I have some things to say. And I beg your pardon if my words gush out ungracefully and artlessly, because all of this has provoked some strong emotions for me, and stirred up what I see as a long-festering crock of rancid bullshit that finally and permanently needs to be chucked into the dustbin of cultural history. So here goes.
Please note that after I say what I need to say here, I will never, EVER again entertain this subject. And not because it makes me angry, and indignant, and astounded at people’s stupidity — though all of that is true. But no, I will never speak of this again mostly because I find the topic ABSURDLY BORING. I mean, I thought we’d collectively addressed the whole ultra-hysterical “Are Women Who Write About Their Lives And Have Kids Evil Narcissistic Child-Exploiters?” thing a looong while back. Apparently some people need a refresher course. Or need to have complex concepts regarding writing and identity applied with a sledgehammer, because their brains no worky gudd.
Fine. So to begin at the beginning: I started blogging in the early 2000s, before I was a mother. I started blogging because I love to write, because my dream since I was in sixth grade was to be a writer, and yes, ultimately to make a living from words. When I began writing this particular blog incarnation back in 2004, however, I did not make money from blogging. Let me stress this: I BLOGGED FOR YEARS AND I MADE NO MONEY. I did it for the love of writing, and then later also to connect with other women who, like me, were somewhat shell-shocked at the trials of new motherhood and the unexpected changes and challenges it brings to one’s life. I never had any intention of turning my blog into a money-making endeavor, and I did not know of a single personal blogger who had ads or made money off their blog. As far as I knew at the time, that wasn’t even something that was possible, and therefore it was not an issue.
I stress all of that because there seems to be a pervasive misconception that we all pumped out babies and then immediately took up blogging to take advantage of the fresh, delicate-yet-meaty marketable content that motherhood offers. That in our hearts — our black, crusty, egocentric hearts — our blogs were and are about nothing more than making a quick buck at all costs. It’s a sick notion, and honestly something I have to believe was generated by someone who has never had a child of their own, and therefore can’t possibly comprehend how strong the impulse to protect — above and beyond anything and everything else — one’s offspring is, and how all of us consider our children, not our blogs, to be the center of our individual universes. It’s a notion that would, in truth, be hilarious, were it not for the fact that it apparently makes for good copy in the media and gives anonymous douchebags an excuse to extend the reach of their stupidity and hate.
But those people? I really don’t give a shit what they think. I’m not here to defend parents who blog against child-free assholes who don’t know what the hell they’re talking about and can’t possibly defend their baseless, misdirected animosity. YOUR HATERADE? I WILL NOT DRINK IT.
So, putting all of that aside, let’s focus on the real issue at hand. And near as I can tell, that issue is, phrased in the form of a question: Do I, as a woman who also happens to be a mother, have the right to compose a memoir of my life?
I’ll let you ponder that for a moment. Take your time. (whistles)
Okay, so I’m guessing if you’re at all reasonable and sane, you decided that YES, I have the right to compose a memoir of my life. Even if I’m a (gasp!) mother. So glad we got that out of the way and can all move forward.
Tea, anyone?
…Alright, I realize there are some sticky points that question didn’t cover. I realize that some of you are jumping up and down, straining to hold back a torrent of “BUT WHAT ABOUT”s and “BUT WHAT IF”s and “OH MY GOD WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?”s. I get that. And I’m so flattered by your concern. But. BUT.
But the truth is? It’s none of your fucking business. I’m sorry to have to tell you this, and I don’t mean to be coarse or rude, but it needs to be said. Internet, I love you, I do. But how I live my life, how I choose to raise my child, and what I choose to write about or not write about relative to anything and everything in my life and the life of my child is not up for discussion or in need of your input. PERIOD. Rest assured I will always have my daughter’s best interests at heart and not yours. Sleep easy tonight knowing that periodically we do, in fact, feed her, and most nights allow her to sleep on a clean straw mat by the back door. But even that’s not really your concern, is it? No, it’s not.
I’m glad we had this little chat though. And now, let’s all move on, and enjoy those parts of our lives we DO share together, shall we? After all, there are fantastically useless yet entertaining YouTube videos to be watched, and the internet’s not getting any smaller, am I right?
