Between the waffles and the deep blue sea

05/04/2009 By
Me: So tomorrow morning you can have some of these chocolate chip waffles.

Her: What if I don’t like them?

Me: M, you’ll like them. They’re chocolate chip waffles.

Her: But what if I don’t?

Me: Then we’ll have to return you, because you’re clearly defective.

Her: Mom. You can’t return me.

Me: Are you sure? Because I think I remember a chocolate chip waffle clause that would allow us to exchange you for another, more waffle-compliant model of little girl.

Her: SIGH. Mom, chocolate chip waffles DO NOT HAVE CLAWS.

Such is the unintentional hilarity lurking everywhere in the English language for a six year old. Homophones=FAIL! 

(Dude. Lobster and crab waffles. Look into it.) (THE CLAW IS OUR MASTER.)

. . . . . . . . . .
PS: Seriously though, if she doesn’t like chocolate chip waffles I’m so totally selling her on Craigslist.*

*Oh you know I’m just kidding, shut up!**

**But really, there’s a “Baby & Kids” category in the “For Sale” section on Craigslist, so other people must be doing it too, right?+
+Teh Comedy Jokes! Oh, for fun!+*
+*I’m thinking something around 5K as a starting figure to encourage competitive bidding. Too low? Ehh?
Share

Like Sweetney on Facebook




Filed Under: Food & Drink, Motherhood Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,
  • KimAZ

    I, too, will buy her, because my six year-old is so pissed that she doesn't have a sister and her mommy is too dang old for child-bearing.

  • kelly

    This reminds me of when my dad used to threaten to return me to the baby department at Kmart and I would cry…

  • http://unmarriedwife.blogspot.com JennC

    What a coincidence! I'm actually in the market for an awesome five year old. I could pass her off as my own, and when my parents and friends say, "Hey, where'd this awesome kid come from?" and I'd be all, "Who, her? That's my kid." And they'd be all, "When the hell did you have a kid?" And I'd be all, "Um, only like, five years ago? And you're only noticing now? Dick." Totally worth five grand, that.

  • http://profile.typepad.com/sweetneydotcom Sweetney

    Plus she doesn't eat much. Beyond things that are carbs, I mean.

  • http://profile.typepad.com/sweetneydotcom Sweetney

    I know, I'm terrible. Luckily I'm already putting money into her mental health trust fund. Better than sorry!

  • http://profile.typepad.com/sweetneydotcom Sweetney

    JennC, you're a genius.

  • http://capperoo.blogspot.com stacey

    You might have some serious bidding on your hands. I'm pretty sure M is my daughter's twin, except that M seems a little bit wittier. I'd think that for the comedy training value alone she'd be worth it.

  • http://www.katherinecenter.com Katherine Center

    Oh, I love this! I’ll totally buy her! I’ve got a kindergartner,too–so then we’d have a matched pair.

  • http://profile.typepad.com/ozma ozma

    I keep wondering when my daughter is going to get things like irony, sarcasm, etc. I assume that our continual use of irony will speed up that developmental process–but I often think she's getting the joke and then it turns out she isn't.
    But I love now because she is so susceptible to the hypothetical: I drove her crazy the other day when we were playing pirates and I calmly explained we had to give our treasure to the poor children.
    Of course, I felt guilty about it and relented. I'm one of those mothers who naively hopes that there will be no need for therapy at a later age. I mean HOW COULD THERE BE I'M SUCH AN AWESOME PARENT?

  • http://ragingdad.net Raging Dad

    Alright, you mentioned homophones, and I cannot help but post this video of homophones from Between the Lions. My kids love this show, and this video cracks me up every time! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0VpP7VxtYg