No, seriously. Because it's A VACUUM. Geddit? Sucks?
Sorry, I couldn't help myself. I shall now don The Cone Of Shame.
Happy? Fine.
So listen, I don't know about all of you, but relative to weekly housekeeping and cleaning-type toiling NOTHING is more important to me than my vacuum cleaner. Perhaps this has something to do with owning a notoriously shedtastic Pug, three cats, and one untidy seven-year-old, who I frequently suspect is afraid she may become lost in our home and therefore feels compelled to leave a trail of breadcrumbs wherever she goes (and pretzelcrumbs… and goldfish crackercrumbs… oh, you get the idea). Or maybe I have some kind of exotic floor cleanliness fetish, who knows (or wants to know, for that matter)? In any case, until recently this all-important weapon in my private war on crumb-y bits and rabid dust bunnies was a Dyson — a sturdy, reliable model I'd had since back around the time my daughter was born. It had served admirably, but it was also clearly well past its prime.
It was time for something new. Something Better. Stronger. Faster.
Then, as fate would have it, the lovely people at Oreck sent me this a few weeks back:
And the clouds parted, and a heavenly choir of angels sang, and… What? You think I'm kidding? I AM SO NOT KIDDING, PEOPLE. That isn't just a vacuum cleaner. No, that right there is the fabled New Fangled Floor Cleaning Apparatus Of The Future that we were collectively promised by scientists decades ago, along with personal Jet Packs, Hovercraft and Pet Robots.
WELCOME TO THE FUTURE, HOLMES.
(I still want my Jet Pack though, dammit.)
But in all seriousness, having used this for a few weeks I can honestly say I have never, EVER handled a vacuum whose power even approached that of this machine. It is, I dare say, a wee bit intimidating, even. YES, I'M INTIMIDATED BY A VACUUM CLEANER, WHAT OF IT? (Seriously though, if this thing had any more suction power it might be in danger of puncturing the fabric of the space-time continuum, thereby creating some kind of HEPA filtrating black hole. I strongly suspect this thing may have been engineered by those dudes at CERN. Tell your friends.)
cough.
Aside: some vacuumtastic specs for all you detail-oriented, Type-A personalities:
The new advanced Oreck Platinum Pilot vacuum (retail price $599), engineered with a 360° Glide technology, brings new level of maneuverability with light weight (10 lbs), as well as effective dirt pick-up, allergen filtration and bacteria and odor control.
Unique ball-joint and pivot connection lets you guide vacuum where needed, to corner sofas and tables, move in and out of small spaces, turn on a dime so cleaning is one smooth, continuous motion.
For allergen control, HEPA filtration system traps up to 99.9 percent of dust and allergens down to 0.3 microns.
For bacteria and odor control, anti-microbial agent built right into key points of vacuum inhibits growth and reproduction of bacteria, mold and mildew in and on vacuum.
Upright vacuum comes with a separate lightweight handheld vac for cleaning high, low, all over the house.
So I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: Tracey, I am filled with vacuum envy and must have one of my very own — how can I get my hands on one of these beautiful babies? Or perhaps you can tell me where you live and I can swing by your house and wrassle you for the thing… that'd be fair, right?
Well you've come to the right place. Not for wrasslin' mind you, but for vacuum-gettin'. Because two weeks from today I'm going to give one of these sexy, space-time distorting machines of the future away to one lucky Sweetney reader. Yeah. You heard me.
And to enter this here Oreck giveaway, all you have to do is leave a comment on this post telling me why YOU should win. Easy-peasy. I know. I love you, too.
Alright, so get a-commentin' — one entry per person only please, don't make me disqualify you, Cheaty McCheaterson!
Okay? Ready? GO!
. . . . .
ETA: Continental US residents only, sorry! :(
. . . . . . . . . .
AND THE WINNER IS… [drumroll]
