Working Girls

06/21/2011 By

There are a lot of things I’m ashamed to admit when it comes to my status as a card-carrying member of the Vagina Holders Club: I’m terribly skittish when it comes to dealing with insects, I don’t know how to change a tire or do my own taxes, I expect a man to pay for me if he asks me out on a date, and HOLY MOTHER OF ASS, I hate working with women.

woman coworker

That right there? Is the face of a coworker who will undermine you and double-check your work and every turn. TRUST ME ON THIS.

I understand that my viewpoint might rankle some (or all) of you, but believe me: I come by it honestly. I have been in the full-time workforce for eleven years now. Thanks to years spent temping and my penchant for moving every two years, I’ve worked for more than my fair share of bosses (I think my total places of employment tops out somewhere in the twenties), and almost all of my long-term bosses have been female. I know what the fuck I’m talking about, is what I’m trying to say. So give me the benefit of the doubt for a few minutes and allow me to explain why, for me, working for (and with) females is just a few ticks above “working in a bedbug-infested whorehouse” on the scale of My Own Personal Shitty Scenarios.

Being visually assaulted by a Vera Bradley display also ranks pretty high on this list.

My very first out-of-college “real job” was working for the president of a bank. She had a (horribly abused) main assistant, and my job was to kind of…assist the assistant? I’m still not really sure. My main duties consisted of copying, faxing, mailing letters, and enduring the daily freak-outs of my boss on a daily basis. Highlights included watching her hurl expired Coffeemate across the room, and breaking into tears whenever she couldn’t figure out how her Palm Pilot worked (this was a long time ago, yo). And yeah, I get that she held a high pressure position and probably felt the need to be Prove-y McProvesherself 99.999% of the time, but HOO BOY. Unstable Mabel was a real treat to be around, let me tell you. I thought perhaps this was just the way all executives behaved until I spent a few weeks filling in for the assistant of the (male) CEO of the bank’s holding company, and…what? I’m not being screamed at? Problems and challenges are met with calm discussion? He BUYS MY LUNCH when I’m too busy to go get my own? WHAT IS THIS COMMON COURTESY YOU OFFER ME, SIR, AND AM I EXPECTED TO ADMINISTER A HAND JOB IN RETURN?

This was my first job, remember. Although obviously not my, uh, FIRST JOB. Ahem.

Fast forward a few years, and I found myself under the supervision of yet another female boss. This one was completely different from Unstable Mabel, I could tell. She had been a schoolteacher at one point and had a few kids, and I could tell she was a more compassionate sort. I definitely couldn’t envision her hurling non-dairy creamers across the room (and indeed, she never did), but her more maternal qualities ended up making her just as unbearable. On good days, she treated me like a toddler. On bad days, she treated me like a remedial student embarking on her third attempt at the 10th grade. She checked, double-checked, and triple-checked up on me (think snooping in the mail bin to make sure I had deposited the outgoing mail…and effort that she could have avoided by just DOING IT HERSELF IN THE FIRST PLACE IF YOU HAVE THAT LITTLE TRUST IN ME OMFG), and holy shit, the nagging. Did you do that thing yet? Now? How about now? Can you copy me on all your emails? Why did you do that? I know I asked you to, but you should have checked with me again first!

‘Cause Lunatic is my middle name, my last name is Control…

After my less-than-enjoyable stint with Mommie Dearest, I had a year working with a male boss. That was…different. I’m not saying it was all rainbows and sunshine (I would often unwittingly interrupt the porn screenings he and his WorkBros enjoyed in his massive corner office, and he routinely asked me to do really demeaning shit for him, like PAINT HIS MODEL MOTORCYCLE BLUE SO THAT IT WOULD MATCH HIS ACTUAL MOTORCYCLE) (OMFG), but things were just so honest. If he gave me work, he trusted I was doing it. If I fucked up, we dealt with it. There were no grudges, no mind games, no screaming. I mean, yeah, the dude was kind of a pig and I’d often hear him lying to his wife on the phone and bitching about having to stay home with his daughter when she was sick, but as a boss? Don’t mind if I do.

Bonus: I was able to add “model motorcycle detailing” to my resume.

After that job, I was thrown back into the world of LadyBossery, and my goodness, what a treat this one was. A perfect blend of Unstable Mabel and Mommie Dearest, she took to calling me on the phone (I sat right outside her office) and screaming at me about whatever perceived tragedy had befallen her that day within earshot of the entire, tiny office. There were two incidents that stand out in my mind: the time she lost her car keys and screamed at me as if I had taken the keys myself and thrown them into the river (Oh, how I wished I had), and the time she hurled abuse in my direction for 45 solid minutes because her computer wouldn’t turn on and the tech support guy was on a plane (but probably still able to hear her shrieking). The best part of that story? Her computer wasn’t working because she hadn’t plugged it in.

Truly, our office could have been more efficiently led by fucking Simon.

I am happy to tell you that I no longer work for any of the aforementioned Workplace Harpies, and…well, I’m not coughing up any details about my current situation. I can only tell you that I know what I know when it comes to female bosses. You can call it sexist, you can call it backwards, you can call it absolutely wrong. Just don’t expect to see me applying to Sugarbaker Design anytime soon.

DEAR. GOD. NO.

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  • http://wileydise.blogspot.com Wiley

    Might not be popular, but it definitely can be true that working with men is often easier. Though, my dad maintains he prefers working with women (but he’s the top of the management chain, so maybe that’s the difference?)

  • http://www.goddessinprogressblog.com Goddess in Progress

    I worked in an all-female office at a college for about 18 months, and it was AWFUL. The problem we had there was that NO ONE would actually take charge. Or if they did, it was totally passive-aggressive. And the meetings, OMG, the meetings. Meetings to talk about meetings. Meetings to recap meetings. And an absolute obsession with making things as FAIR and EQUAL as humanly possible, which only served to suck the joy out of life.

    My next bosses were both middle-aged single gay men, and they were the bomb-diggity. Best bosses EVER.

  • http://stormingyourcastle.com Andrea

    I agree. My worse-possible-boss-ever-in-the-history-of-all-bosses-and-yes-we-should-get-a-beer-and-swap-stories-because-I-think-mine-could-go-toe-to-toe-with-yours was female and I will now start referring to her as a harpy because OMFG that is exactly what she was. See also: evil, manipulative, chair-throwing, lying and yes, I totally giggled when I found out her husband was leaving her. Guffawed, even.

  • Beckie

    All the above and more is why I work in construction. While my current company is woman owned, I’m still only one of three women and I get the luxury of being at a jobsite 2 hours away from the home office so I’m as happy as a pig in mud! I feel working with men is much easier because you always know where you stand with them. If they’re mad at you – they will tell you – and then build a bridge and get over it!

  • http://twitter.com/ryenerman Maggie

    Yeah, I know it’s not a popular opinion, but being in the middle of it right now, I have sworn I will never work for a woman (particularly an older, childless woman) again. The two professions I’ve done as an adult (these past 21 years or so) have been male dominated so I spent most of my careers working for men. Sure, there were issues, but a male boss never (1) cried when I told him he was going to have to be less demanding or every employee he ever hired was going to leave within 6 months (after running through 4 assistants in 2 years), (2) insisted everyone come to his home for “parties” that included neither alcohol or sufficient food, or (3) attempted to be my BFF while simultaneously making insane work demands that severely impinged on my personal life. For various reasons I am stuck in this job working for a woman boss, but I swear, if I had to do it over again, I would NEVER take this job.

  • Suzy Q

    I have been employed for way, WAY longer than you, and I can tell you that men are not always a piece of cake. I had one whose hookers ( who serviced him at the office) I had to pay. Then there was the one who proclaimed, “Chicken hawks get what they deserve,” after one of his clients (an awesome gay man) was bludgeoned to death. I was also fired once because a man’s wife thought I was the one he was having an affair with (I wasn’t, but it was easier to fire me than come clean about the real mistress.)

    That said, my best boss of all time was a man, long ago.

    Now, I work in a predominately female office with a female boss, and there is only one word that describes it: toxic. Fortunately, I get to work from home a lot.

  • Aleks

    At my last job I worked for a woman who made me physically ill at the thought of having to go to work another day. I only worked there for 8 months, but it could just as well have been 10 years. She would scream at me for not knowing something that she should have told me in the first place (“why didnt you come and tell me so and so F***ing called?!??!?!” umm…you told me not to interupt your private yoga session/ acupuncture/ massage?) and then proceeded to tell me that chickens can do a better job :S

    I was desperate to leave and took the next job offer i got. Turned out to be the best thing ever and I’m still here. I work for an almost retired man and I’m going to be heartbroken when he leaves. Like with some other commenters, he treats me with respect, assumes that I CAN do something new, and if i fudge up, its ok, we’ll make it right.

    I know that not all women are like that but although I havent been treated as badly as my last employer, I havent had great female bosses either.

    My B/F works in a call centre with mjority women and it drives him bananas with all the mind games they play.

    • Olivia

      OMG, did you and I work at the same place? I only lasted 3 months with THE WORST BOSS EVER who is a woman.

  • Marcy

    I’ve had male & female bosses and I slightly prefer male bosses. You’re right, there’s a kind of honesty thing that is not found very often with female bosses. On the other hand, most female bosses don’t usually try to look down your shirt so I guess it is a toss up really.

    • diamondcait

      I dunno. I had a female manager try to motorboat my cleavage at a work party once. Talk about awkward.

  • Christina

    Working with women is often more difficult than it really should be for sure. With that said, I have had some truly terrible male bosses. My favorite boss was a women who was a great balance of warm and caring when it came to personal topics and very direct and clear when it came to business and what was expected. Somehow she balanced the two perfectly. She was fantastic to work for and I’ve tried to model my own management style after her.

  • Olivia

    I’ve worked for men and women probably 50/50, and work with mostly women. It’s true that my most shitty bosses were women, but I’ve also had some great women bosses and co-workers. It’s like I told my husband* the other day when he sheepishly said, “I don’t want to call all women bosses bitches, but…” I said, “Just remember that women are individuals and all individuals are capable of being an asshole.”

    *His work history has included a few women bosses who were off the charts nutso.

  • Wendi

    This makes me so sad. You realize that you are all talking about one another. I hope that you will all take it upon yourselves to be awesome, supportive bosses to those women who report to you.

  • KimAZ

    Best boss ever = female

    Worst coworkers ever = female

    Unavoidable in teaching

  • Kathryn

    I used to work for a horrible woman who would send her hen-pecked husband to spy on us constantly to make sure we were not sitting down or talking or, like, breathing air. You’ll be horrified to know that we sold Vera Bradley. In fact, it was behind the Vera Bradley display that he would usually lurk, as if hoping to blend in with the garish fabrics.

  • Christen

    My first boss at a “real” job was a woman and she was – and still is – a great mentor. No bullshit, no mindgames, and we grew to be friends. I thought all the hype about women bosses being awful was just jerky Boys Club stuff, meant to undermine the sisterhood or something.

    And then I went to work for another woman who was just…oh God. So horrible. So mean. I believe the clinical term for her condition was “batshit loony” but I’m not a doctor. One time she put dog shit (it was her dog’s, who she took outside) in the wastebasket under my desk. Instead of the dumpster. I mean, WTF? I should have quit right then. I also lost about 15lbs from the stress and from a lung infection I let rage out of control because any time I talked about going to see a doctor she’s FREAK OUT about me missing a moment of work. Lovely!

  • http://anothersuburbanmom.blogspot.com Another Suburban Mom

    I have worked with some women who are real shits. I have worked for some men who are real shits. Now that I am a boss, I have the following rule with my co-worker. “You do your job, and as long as I don’t get any complaints, I will stay the fuck out of your way and let you do it.”

    I also instituted omelette Thursdays, where we have our weekly “meeting” and take turns buying take out omlettes from the greek diner down the street.

  • http://crabbyappleseed.blogspot.com crabbyappleseed

    Yeahhh…I’m a nurse. A pediatric nurse practitioner, to be specific, which means 99.9% of the people I work with are women.

    Holy HELL, we bring out the worst in each other. And as much I hoped, when I was in junior high, that my adult workplace would closely resemble the social interactions I experienced therein, I never dreamed how closely that could be replicated.

    I will say that I had the same boss for 14 years, who was amazing and I still consider her a mentor. However, the behavior I witness (and have shamefully participated in on occasion) is seriously appalling.

    Having said that, my husband is a police officer, and nearly-all-male workplaces are no great shakes, either. I think we’re all meant to mingle, otherwise we fall into seriously primitive behavior patterns.

  • http://pepita-writes.blogspot.com/ Pepita

    Hmmm…just spit-balling here, but I’m wondering if institutionalized sexism plays a role in the anecdotal evidence of awful female bosses. Since men have held positions of power in the workplace for far longer than women (which also extends to society at large), they have been better socialized to handle the positions, so behave better in those roles? Or, since society seems to often criticize powerful, competent women as “cold” or “bitchy” or whatever, female bosses struggle to reconcile that they’re supposed to be in charge, but also warm and nurturing and whatnot?

    I’m not articulating myself well, but I hope you guys see what I mean.

    That being said, my worst boss was a woman. At a tiny non-profit. Who yelled at me for 45 minutes the last day of my job for doing my job RIGHT.

    She was a whackadoo.

  • http://jiveturkeyjives.com/ Jive Turkey

    Thanks for all the comments, everyone. I feel it necessary to add that THE absolute worst boss I had (the one who tried to get me fired BEHIND MY BACK after he found out I was pregnant) was, as you can tell, a man. Also? I know that in the case of at least two of the hellish bosses I mention above, they were suffering from an extreme case of “I’m the only woman in the executive level of this company and HOLY SHIT I have a lot to prove,” which, unfortunately, tended to make them less-than-ideal bosses. I’m not saying it excused their behavior, but I definitely understand where they were coming from. Unfortunately.

    • Molly

      I think being a jerk at work is always a result of “What currency do you have?” Is it information, contacts, skills, something in common with the majority of others at work (either you all have kids or most don’t) — and, as you so wisely point out, women often lack the most currency at work. Then the bad behavior is way amped. Great post! And ohfortheloveofpete I hate Vera Effing Bradley bags.

  • Kymm

    The women I have worked for, for the past 5 years, are batshit crazy workaholics, and the men are way more easy-going, honest, just easy to work with, except this one jerk but he’s unique. I am so so happy I am working for myself now:) If I am crazy and mean, I just have to deal with me.

  • Irma

    My first female boss came in to my life when I was 31. I had had a successful career for many years, working for many different men, and was totally unprepared for what happened next.

    After a few months, I would literally burst in to tears in my bathroom in the morning, I was so traumatized and scared to go in to the office, because I never knew what mood she would be in. I later learned that she USED to terrify the staff, but had turned in to such an angel since I became her assistant manager…what no one realized was that the abuse she used to heap on 40 people she now saved exclusively for ME.

    Since her —and I changed careers because of her– I have worked for two women who have been fair, funny, and had my back at all times.

    I think women remember the bad female bosses so strongly because we have this ingrained belief that women will always look out for other women. And so when we face Satan in a skirt? It catches us totally off guard.

    (but I still hate that bitch…)