a dispatch from deep within the training fortress of solitude.

this evening the dog trainer who has truman in his controlling grasp sent me the following pictures of him, “in case you forgot what he looks like.”

no, as a matter of fact, i haven't forgotten what he looks like. essentially, i am paying hundreds of dollars to train him because of his memorable physical appearance -- for were truman not so ridiculously cute we'd have stuffed him into the dumpster back out behind the dunkin donuts/baskin robbins franchise down on harford road by now.

(and before i get a deluge of hate email about that last line: yes, its A JOKE. NOW GO TAKE A VALIUM.)

the picture above astounds me: is that MY dog? sitting still, as though he were trained to “stay” on command?

NO. WAY.

what if truman has simply fallen in love with this ken dog trainer person? what if he returns all angry and filled with doggie vengeance because i took him away from HIS KEN?! what then???

you are right to fear me; i will never listen to you. my heart belongs to ken and ken alone.
now go away. you bore me.

ps: the more i look at that last picture, the more i think we should have named him brando, not truman. what were we thinking?!?

Comments

[schmutzie]

Your puppy is so freaking cute, but I can see the shadow of chaos lurking in his eyes. Good luck on the training front!

[geeekgirl]

Maybe this guy is like the dog whisperer.

[carl]

hey sweetney,
could u email the name and or url of your dog trainer to me at carlofbaltimore@gmail.com? we have a little guy who also enjoys the taste of strangers' digits...
thanks,
carl
(of baltimore)