just a little reminder for everyone.

the internet is populated by PEOPLE who have real feelings and who shouldn't be treated like inanimate objects who will carry none of what you say around with them after it's said.

my personhood doesn't end when i log onto my computer. i don't suddenly become “sweetney” instead of tracey. i'm still tracey, and the shit that hurts me in the “real” world hurts me here. it's not some other planet or life or dimension.

something to think about, and keep in mind, as you traverse this great interweb of ours, interacting with others.

ps: thanks, angela.

Comments

[schmutzie]

I have had a couple of run-ins with nasty commenters over the last few weeks, and it does hurt. One of the comments I got plagued me for days, because so many people I knew had read it and were worried about me. I'm sorry that some insensitive lout cyber-accosted you.

[sweetney]

schmutzie: totally. and its not even getting "cyber-accosted"... its the way people treat each other all over the web (and, of course, in email) -- as though because the interaction is in electronic form it dissolves all responsibility, the need for decorum and humanity. as if it is impossible to hurt someone via what you do online; that it is some no-strings-attached zone of human interaction wherein the physical distance involved absolves you from being responsible for upsetting/hurting/angering (etc) people. such bullshit. people should check themselves more often and ask: would i say this to this person's face? would i do what i'm doing online in "real life"? would i think it okay to behave this way offline? -- and be honest with themselves about it. i mean, clearly there are just some jerk-offs out there hiding behind their computers, taking out their alienation and sociopathology on others, that's a given. but then there are the subtler ways in which people hurt, snub, wound, attack, mock, etcetera others online... it just leaves me discouraged about the state of humanity generally, makes me wonder why i bother to try to connect with others through this medium at all. arrgh.

[Malnurtured Snay]

Um ... is this why your July Happy Hour post isn't up here anymore?

[dabrettman]

In my opinion (which no one asked for), if you have a blog, you're presenting yourself as a public persona whether you hide behind a screen name or not. As such, you have to deal with the fact that not everyone is going to love you, like you, and/or consider your feelings. Some may even hate, loathe or despise you for absolutely no good reason. As it is for any public persona on any scale. It just comes with the territory. Sorry if someone left you nasty comments (or did whatever caused this post to be written), but if you don't want to hear/read it you have complete control in ensuring you're not subjected to the assholery others may direct your way on the internet. Exercising that control will do a lot more for you than a blog post asking for civility will.

[sweetney]

snay: no, though that would make sense, wouldn't it?

actually i figured i'd give that 24 hours and see what people had to say. one person responded, noting reservations about doing it at someone's house. did the fact that only one person responded hurt? yeah, sure. how could it not? just because it happened online doesn't render it meaningless or insignificant, doesn't make being ignored or snubbed or whatever hurt less. so, as i said to the one responder, i figured that was an indication of the overall attitude toward my offer, so i withdrew it, which seemed appropriate.

its a good example of what i'm talking about, but has little to do with this specific post, oddly enough. the impetus for this came from a conversation with a offline-friend regarding something she was going through. but yeah, that (now absent) post is definitely relevant to my mood, for sure.

[Malnurtured Snay]

Yeah, but maybe you should leave it up a bit longer, I mean. I don't know when you posted it, but I notice that most of my hits and comments are left when the office-schmoes are ... well ... at the office.

[sweetney]

dabrettman: having control over my ability to delete comments does not keep me from feeling discouraged about the way people treat one another (putting myself wholly aside, and speaking just as an observer of others and the completely ridiculous, absurd, and horrendous things people are willing to say and do to each other precisely because they have a screen (and/or screenname) to hide behind). i don't think i -- or anyone else, for that matter -- should have to consider the internet a lawless zone where anything goes by default. however, it is not as though i want some nicey-nice, sanitized web either (puke). what i want is for people to just exercise their fucking conscience, you know? to actually pause before hitting that "send" or "submit" button, and ponder for a nanosecond how what they've written will impact the REAL LIVE PERSON at the receiving/reading end of it.* that's all.

*as one would assume they would do in "real" life, interacting with "real" people (unless they fall into the sociopathic jerk-off category, natch). and, if i've got it all wrong, and to expect that people act like fucking thoughtful human beings online rather than like devolved sub-humans sans conscience is more than can or should be reasonably requested -- if that's just crazy talk on my part -- then stop this fucking bullshit carnival, i want to get off.

[sweetney]

snay: agreed. but, well, it was up during the day time yesterday as well as this morning. people did read it. but i don't want to belabor that, honestly. i'm not looking for drama, or sympathy, or anything with regard to that particular issue. but i appreciate your optimism. heh.

[epiph]

Just want to chime in and agree with Snay about leaving the house blogger offer up longer than less than a day. I know I was going to respond, but was going to wait until others did because I didn't want to be the first. Plus, it's the summer, and I know that a few bloggers are on vacation right now.

[sweetney]

epiph: thanks for that. for the record, just so everyone doesn't think i'm just riffing on some sour grapes garnered from not being responded to on the happy hour thing, what prompted this post really was a friend's pain over FUCKING TROLLS posting shit to a memorial site for a friend who'd recently killed herself. unbelievable. i just can't even fathom behavior like that... how completely vile and rotten a person would have to be to behave that way. the internet gives people a platform and opportunities to reveal the worst in human nature and, all too often it seems, people jump at the chance to do so without thinking of the real people they are hurting. it makes me sad, truly.

[Beth]

We're home. We already miss you.

And because we now know you in the real world, I now know you outside of the interweb are speaking the truth. We are people [humans with feelings] behind the words we write.

[malice]

oh dearie me, i didn't answer your blogger hh shout-out becasue frankly i'm not quite ready for prime time and because i knew i wouldnt be able to make it. i'm not quite in with the in crowd anyway so i figured my lack of response wouldnt mean anything but a chicken wing; but honest i would love to hang out at your place (which is probably walkable) and have a beevo with you and yours. also, don't let the bastards grind you down. you are a soldier in the nice people revolution! don't fergit.

[Malnurtured Snay]

There's an *in*-crowd?