[c]harm city.

this from the brilliant and hilarious angela, who i've pimped mightily round these parts in the past, and will continue to pimp in the future. she's a neighbor, the mother to M_'s bestest pal, R_, and the closest thing i've got to a doppleganger in this city (i'm the evil half, natch).

I have a huge headache this morning and am in less than generous spirits about certain aspects of Baltimore life. I would like to be able, just one Saturday morning, to drive Joel to work and come home without having to stop 897,543,220 times to wait for people to finish up their conversations IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING ROAD. On many, many days -- more days than I will ever admit -- I find this little Mobtown quirk very charming, and it makes me proud to live here. It really does. When I'm not dying to come home and put my aching head on a pillow and stretch out my aching legs (fucking broken elevators), I find it amusing and oddly comforting that I live in a place where people assume that they can just hang out or wander around right in the middle of the street. I mean, in D.C., you would try that once, and your missing limbs would serve as a reminder not to do it the next time you got that crazy idea. Baltimore, for all the violence and murder and stuff, is gentler than D.C. that way. But today my fucking head hurts, and I don't feel warm and fuzzy about how gentle the goddamn city is; I am cursing it for its lack of consideration of my need to get home to my pillows and my computer. (Before you run off and tell everyone what a pampered asshole I am, note that I am noting that me-self.)

Baltimore's so different from D.C. So different. I've always understood that to live in D.C. is to be somewhat disconnected from reality in some way. A lot of the population turns over every four years with the federal government, and that has strongly influenced my sense of community. I have to remind myself all the time that this is not Northern Virginia, and I cannot simply grit my teeth and wait for the people across the street to inevitably move far, far away. In all likelihood, they're not going anywhere, ever, and that means that I'm going to have to adapt and become a person who likes to, or at least CAN, live across the street from loud people with a loud dog and creepy kids. I still think of this as “quirky,” but it probably isn't.

And Baltimore doesn't hide its scars or its dirty laundry. We seem to have a citywide discussion going on pretty much all the time about how fucked up we are. Like my family. We have long discussions about how fucked up our relatives are, and no one really has any hurt feelings about it -- it just *is*. So while Anthony Williams and Vincent Orange will come to community meetings in D.C. and just lie right in people's faces about things everyone KNOWS are fucked up, and the media will serve that bullshit like it's the word of god, it's not uncommon here to hear city officials on TV saying, more or less, “yeah, no shit, the schools are a disaster.” There's no hiding of broken people here, either. It's an interesting place to be depressed. On one hand, you've got plenty of company, and no one's going to any trouble to appear “normal,” so you don't feel like you're particularly or especially fucked up. On the other, it can get just a little... soul-crushing to see all these crushed souls wandering about. In the middle of the street.

At the end of the day, though, if we have to live in a world that crushes people's souls, I'd rather we just put it out there for all to see. You never have any idea what anyone is feeling in D.C. From the looks of things, everyone is feeling rushed. Always. Just rushed. Not happy and rushed, or sad and rushed, just rushed. They're in a hurry, period. That's the official group emotion -- rushed. Here... people don't seem to have any issue with letting you know they're fucking sad because life is kicking their asses. Or that they're pissed -- I hear a lot of shouting here. Or that they're in a fine mood and they're quite happy to see you, hon. It's very real. Here's how we're feeling, and here's what our lives are, and it's okay for you to know about that, because you're just another person like we are, and by the way, how are you doing?

It's like... community... or something else I'm not familiar with.

Comments

[stillheidi]

I live in NY but visit friends in Baltimore on the regular. I love that city and would move there in a heartbeat if I didn't love my house in NY so much. You have Natty Boh and decrative crabs and the dime museum..Its all upside in my book...even if all your dirty laundry is hanging out there in the streets.

[Belinda]

Our trips to Baltimore and Annapolis--DON'T LAUGH--have been in conjunction with the Poodle Club of America National SPecialty show. OK, go ahead and laugh. Anyway, we LOVE it there. And thank you for sharing Angela again, I've bookmarked her now.

[ozma]

And"At the end of the day, though, if we have to live in a world that crushes people's souls, I'd rather we just put it out there for all to see."

I love this piece. And I have to agree a bit with the statement above. What she wrote makes me think maybe I should be living in Baltimore (except that being required to fake it can sometimes get you a little farther than you might have gone if you didn't fake it). I too want it out there except then I wish someone would freaking care.

[stillheidi]

Oh, and the free book place! How could you not love a city with a free book store. I've found some great finds in there, after I sifted through mounds of crap-o-la. I hear that there is a free 'stuff' place now, is that true? I'll be down the weekend of Dec. 3rd, I'll have to check it out. If I have room in the car, maybe I will bring down a box of stuff to donate.

[Angela]

Ozma, come to Baltimore! We will care!

I HEART Baltimore right to death, so much that I miss it during the day when I'm gone and get all excited when I see it approaching through the train window at night. Everyone should live in Baltimore, or at least in his or her own Baltimore. Every place should be as lovely as this.

[alex]

very nice commentary angela. i want to say, though, that one of the most depressing things that I have found in this city --aside from the obvious drug addiction, mind numbing poverty, etc --is that i meet so many people who are down on the city (people who do not have problems such as addictions or poverty) and who would rather live elsewhere: NY, California, etc -- or who don't live here but assume it is the armpit of the States. I used to try to defend it vociferously but ended up sounding like a deranged Bmore cheerleader. Even a simple comment like "It's not that bad" would earn me eye rolls. Now I just change the subject. Still I get excited when I meet someone who actually likes the city. It's a bit pathetic. Anyway, happy to hear that there are people out there who do like Baltimore.

[angela]

Alex, I feel you. I hear a lot of it, too, although because I spend my entire work week in DC, it's mainly from DC residents - or make that residents of DC's suburbs. I find this even more frustrating and depressing than hearing it from people who live here. (It's like how I only feel slightly defensive if my little brother complains about our parents, but if someone not related says something about my mom... then it's ON.) I've had more conversations than I care to remember that started with "You live in Baltimore? Why?"

[kristen]

i have no patience for baltimore haters -- this is my hometown and never in my life did i think i would grow to be so defensive of it, but here i am. we are flawed, we are fucked up, we own it and don't hide it. i would be surprised to hear of a scandal being unearthed wrt our administration -- hell, i'd be suprised to be surprised, because we don't call it "smalltimore" for nothing.

and you can feel free to continue getting pissed at the cell-phone strollers because we all do -- even when we're the ones doing it.

joel works?

[Alex]

More irritating than criticizing the poverty --that I just find silly since I think its a nat'l problem dumped on the city; in other words, you shouldn't hate Bmore but rather the entire gov't that lets things get like this-- I am annoyed that Bmore gets picked on for not being San Fran, NYC, Boston or some other 'real' city. I agree those places have great stuff going on but I am also aware that a very small minority of people can afford even a modest lifestyle there. So yeah Cali is a great place if you are making 500K a year.