the good feeling.

here's a little something from my best friend christine, who has been an enormous force in my life... she also happens to be one of the smartest, most talented and interesting people you're ever likely to meet, in addition to being wise beyond any measure. we've always lived oddly parallel lives -- encountering similar challenges and frames of mind simultaneously -- though it didn't take me long to figure out that christine was light years ahead of me in all sorts of ways, and i've grown tremendously as a person just by rubbing up against her (if you know what i mean. heh.). so ya'll be nice to xine, or i'll give you a beat-down, basically.

there's this thing i call the good feeling. it's a physical sensation of happiness and satisfaction located in the chest area. i feel it after i've made something really good, and i've become addicted to it.

about three weeks ago, i finished what i thought was the final draft of my novel. i must have carried the good feeling around for at least two weeks (until my husband read the novel and reported that there's still work to be done, but i expect to have the good feeling again when the next draft is finished).

the thing about the good feeling is that it's pretty constant. it's like the opposite of a toothache. in the case of my novel, i certainly didn't think about it all the time, but the good feeling never left me. i'd be driving to work and feeling happy, the good feeling warm in my chest, and i'd have to stop and remember why, which would remind me all over again that i'd “finished” my book. so the good feeling is physical and doesn't just come when i think about it. the good feeling can last for a couple weeks or just a few days, and like any good drug, i find that i seek it out.

i guess i'm lucky. i've been pretty empowered in my creative life. i grew up with an artist mother who demonstrated time and again that if you wanted something, you just made it. it helped that we were poorer than dirt and couldn't afford to go out and buy things; so we made them instead. we made clothes, jewelry, and our walls always had the loveliest paintings on them.

in college, i wanted cool jewelry, but beads were expensive; so i found a little antique store in greenville that sold the strangest things for little money: a tiny tin filled with watch hands, old strings of carnelian beads; my mom would go to estate sales and send me austrian crystal beads and other cool things. i got compliments on my jewelry and started selling them at a local shop called “lizards and mice.” it was the start of the good feeling.

i ended up getting my mfa in poetry--probably due to the good feeling i got every time i finished a poem. but with poetry there was always that endless chasm between poems (even if it only lasted a few hours) when i was afraid i'd never write a good poem again. although i still write, i've found the longer form of the novel more sustaining, and i do a lot of other creative things.

i've tried my hand at painting, making paper, and making things out of clay. every year for christmas, instead of buying gifts for people, i make a whole slew of things. people still have my handmade lavender bookmarks in their books. my parents' cupboards still have cups i've made in them. the ceramic wind chimes were a big hit. the best christmas ever, though, was the slipper christmas. i'd taken a class to make felted clog slippers and managed to make about fourteen pair before the usually dreaded day (working retail, i've come to dread christmas). but that very special christmas found me in a room where everyone was wearing my slippers. that good feeling lasted for weeks, and occasionally it still hits me even though that was about three years ago.

as humans, i believe we're born with a few things hard-wired into our system: the need for love/sex, the drive to believe in a higher power (one we may intellectually thwart, but the base is still there, i think), and the need to create. I read a study once in college that said the main difference between creative and non-creative people is that creative people think they're creative and non-creative people think they aren't.

and so this is my platform: make stuff. everyone should. even “home making” has the word “making” in it for a reason. i watch tracey making her blog, her wonderful mix cds, her efforts with rock n romp and even the occasional glimmer of poetry she still writes. it's a compulsion. it's necessary. we'd all be happier if we could find what we can make, and then let that thing work inside us. it's important to recognize the good feeling, give ourselves a pat on the back for it. i wish the creative drive were more recognized as a basic need for human happiness. i don't think it's just me.

most recently, i've gotten the good feeling from my knitting. a few days ago, i knitted a simple little hat for my husband to keep his head warm. he wore it to work, and a co-worker at this design firm sent me an email with the subject heading simply reading: “hat.” the email said, and i quote, “I saw the hat you made scott and I think it's probably one of the coolest things I've seen. I appreciate a good stocking cap. Are you taking orders, cause I could really use a red or kelly green one.”

i had the good feeling after my husband liked the hat, but it doubled, tripled in size when i got this email. i would have made hats for all the designers for free--just for more of the good feeling--but my smart husband has offered hats in exchange for help putting up gutters on our house.

so it's a win-win, and there's nothing better than that.

Comments

[Courtney]

What a great post. It's so nice to read something that is cheerful and positive. You have just ooommpphhed my motivation to make this a non-buying Christmas. (or a minimal buying Christmas-who am I kidding, I love to shop but I would love to give people something that shows I care enough to put my own, blood, sweat and tears into the thing!

-Ceece

[joy]

very cool post--and rings true. last week I joined a great group of people in my home town to paint a mural on the side of a building a friend of mine bought. it was totally paint by numbers, and totally kickass. we all got that "feel-good" buzz together. knitting--i also love it. i have also recently become a bit of a maniacal stitch'n bitch, (obsessed with knitting scarves for all family members by xmas;)

[melissa]

thanks - that was just what i needed today!

[Belinda]

Ah, yes. Making a particularly good batch of soap gives the long-lasting happy.

And this is going to sound pathetic, and I really don't mean it to be, but there has been a lot of pain in my life. Physical pain. For a long time, the feeling you describe was, for me, simply the ABSENCE of the pain, when it was taken away. It was simply...euphoric.

[jess]

I know that feeling. Very well put.

[Nothing But Bonfires]

Ah, the part about it being the opposite of a toothache is brilliant; know exactly what she means.

[Dawn]

Am I the only one who wants to see a picture of the hat? :)

[xine]

thanks everyone for the good words. i knew this was a good place to vent a little creative euphoria. i'm liking it.

a picture of the hat is forthcoming.

[Sarah]

Great timing and lovely post! I am one of those people who is sure she is 'not creative.' I have the book The Artist's Way but have not read it yet. Just yesterday, I went out and bought supplies to make those little marble magnets. Maybe it's just harder for some to find their creativity; I always admire people who are able to make things.
Thanks for an uplifting post!

[styro]

Are you telling me that I can get NEW GUTTERS just for KNITTING HATS? and all this time I had terrible gutters and was knitting hats for FREE. Well, the FREE HAT DAYS are GONE, baby! thanks for the heads (HA!) up!

[shannon]

Very good post. I think you have to make space for that creative feeling in your life and cultivate it. I think one of the things that makes me feel the most creative is listening to new music. It makes me feel expansive and happy and ready to learn new things.

[Josh]

Great post. A great way to keep feeling cheery during the grueling christmas season selling books and cds.