some of us fire with our mouths open, amazed, firing.

its almost as if i woke up today hell-bent on self-immolation. ever wake up in the morning and find yourself from moment one just careening wildly down a path of self-destruction for no discernible reason? oh -- and you're not in your teens or early 20s? and so its kind of shocking, kind of sad, and yet oddly expected -- as with the inevitable visit from that distant fucked-up relative you haven't seen in a few years, the one you just knew would show up unannounced on your doorstep one of these days, chain-smoking unfiltered marlboro reds, rumpled and smelling of sea salt and vinegar, mumbling about just needing a couple bucks, just a couple, man. and the fuck-up bearing bad tidings is all about the laying low: today i am somehow inexplicably sick all over again; having thought i'd gotten past the worst of it, i now find myself digging into new dregs of physical exhaustion and replaying the chronological catalog of symptoms as they emerged last week. i have re-infested myself. clearly i hate my guts.

nothing to do but go to sleep, wishing for better luck tomorrow.

Comments

[xine]

oh honey. i know exacty how you feel. poor you. i hope you feel better soon.

on another note: those halloween pictures and captions were freakin hilarious. i laughed out loud, especially the "umm...maybe we shouldn't." i laugh every time i think about it. you made my day. thank you.

[ozma]

"ever wake up in the morning and find yourself from moment one just careening wildly down a path of self-destruction for no discernible reason? oh -- and you're not in your teens or early 20s?"

Let's see, now. YES. HELL TO THE FUCK YES.

P.S.: I love you.