Donning My Obligatory Sweatpants And Hairshirt.

This post from Shanntastic! is so dead-on in capturing a nagging, yet-not-fully-formed train of thought I've been going around in circles with lately that its almost as if she's a freaking mindreader.

No honey, you go out. I'll stay here with my laptop and teevee. I mean, I like teevee.

Marriage: The complex navigation of landmines in an unending field of potential dissatisfaction.

Comments

[Melanie]

Man, that takes me back. I used to be the SAH member of the family. Then when I went back to work I forgot all about how hard that shit was, how often I cried, how many times I sat in front of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood just to hear somebody tell me I was special...
The thing you do is fucking hard. H-A-R-D. And I have no assvice. I just have sympathy.

[Sonia]

*Phooey* Amen sista! Thanks for the link, thanks to you I have a new favorite blog bookmarked. I have been in your position Sweetney, as SAHM. I worked part time for the first 2 years of my son's life, took a year off because of his therapy needs, then went back to work nights twice a week for half the pay. But it does help us financially, and it does give me an 'out' twice a week. Tho (apparently NOTHING makes me happy) now I get resentful once in awhile that *my me time* is spent at work. We're down to 1 night a week that the three of us are home together between my husband's 2 jobs, and my 1. We try to get out for date nights, but again there are financial restraints there. And work schedules to flip flop. I hate it.
I'm sorry this is so long, I can't stop...
During the year that I was off work, we went through hell trying to figure out a good balance. Maybe because my husband was having a hard time coming to terms with our son's issues, he felt that it was perfectly appropriate to go out for a beer, without calling me, right after work, three nights a week. I was at home frothing at the mouth to get the hell out of there, just to go on a walk by myself. The Ray Romano "What?" was the attitude I was met with when he did come home. I took it for awhile, thinking he'd come around. Then I just plain bitch-slapped him into reality, and it got much better. We've now a better understanding of each other's social needs, even if our schedules don't allow us to indulge them too often.
Oh boy, I shoulda just blogged this myself...please forgive the rambling! I just really wanted to say that I hear you.

[pagalina]

I believe that marriage isn't hard until it includes parenting! I hear tell that the solution to most problems is communication, but I'm totally awful at saying "hey, I need (fill in the blank), I really do." I think like most women, I suck it up until I'm totally frustrated and my emotions come out all sideways. I really do think the first step towards any solution is explaining how his actions makes you feel, what you need him to do to make it better--they are not the most empathetic people! I also think it will be easier once the children are no longer babies or toddlers. good luck to all of us as we navigate these land mines!