BlogHer II: The Revenge.

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with a way to summarize my BlogHer experience, but I've never been terribly adept at the art of retrospective encapsulation, so whenever I think about it (and, more importantly, think about writing about it) I experience some sort of paralyzing brain-freeze. It was really too big of an experience to whittle down and make manageable, concise, readable. But what I will say is that I was absolutely overwhelmed -- nay, fucking shocked -- at people's warm and enthusiastic reception of me. You know, you write all of this stuff on the interweb, and see (via the wonders and terrors of stat counting) that people are reading it, but it all seems sort of abstract and unreal in some way. But at BlogHer, every time I turned around I'd run into another real live flesh-and-blood person who actually seemed to like me, to like sweetney, and after a day or two of this I was walking around in a fog, dazed and confused by all the love.

Not that I'm complaining or anything, of course. More love? BRING IT, SUCKAS.

The only complaint I have about my entire experience (besides the hotel itself, which reminded me of a suped-up 70s-era Motel 6 with the lack of amenities that implies) is that I constantly felt pulled in all kinds of directions, and therefore ended up not really being able to talk with practically anyone as much as I would've liked. I'd meet someone thrilling [insert your name here], have two minutes worth of conversation with them, and then invariably something (or someone) would happen that permanently disrupted our interaction. Early in the proceedings I'd think: Oh, I'll get to talk to them more later, but as the conference wore on it became increasingly clear that I was kidding myself, as the frenetic, ADD-like pace of things continually capsized any thoughts I had that I could somehow step off the high-speed social treadmill we were all scurrying on to do things my way. There were people I barely said two sentences to that I wished I could've chatted with for hours, but it was simply not meant to be. Regrets? Hells yeah, I've had a few.

But to simply have met all of these amazing women in-person... is it corny to say that this was good for my soul? Because though I lack religion I do believe in the transcendence of self (or something like it), and know that I was indeed buoyed in deeply profound yet inarticulable ways over the course of the conference. Or, to put that differently: seeing all my bitches done me right. So thank you. Yes, you.

I hesitate to do individual shout-outs, because I met so many wonderful ladies that to list them all would be mind-numbing for both of us. But because I've already referenced some of the fabulous women I spent time with, I'd like to -- very briefly and imperfectly -- direct some choice words at a very few of the folks I met for the first time this past weekend:

• To Asha, Kristen, Angela, Grace and Zoot: I will lie awake many-a-night for a long time to come wishing I'd been able to talk with each of you more [sniff].
• To Julie and Julia: You are both, if I may say so, THE FREAKIN' BOMB, and by far the funniest ladies I've met in eons. Will you please move to Baltimore and/or marry me?
• To Gayla: You were the best surprise of the entire conference, since I spaced on that fact that you'd be there. But thank christ you were, and please begin making preparations to come visit me ASAP, k?
• To Leah: Thank you for being so kind and gentle, particularly during my partially drunken interview. You exude grace and goodness, and I love you for that.
• To all the Mommybloggers (who I've met, of course, but I need to include them here specifically) and Karen: Thank you for making me feel like a fucking rock star, even though I feel I am so clearly undeserving of your voluminous affections. MWAH!

...And that list is incomplete as the day is long, but my fingers can only take so much of a pounding.

But to all my BlogHer bitches I say: you are forever and always welcome at my table. Come visit me in Charm City! Let me ply you with vodka gimlets on our expansive front porch! Let us while away many uninterrupted hours together, chatting about stupid blogging crap that no one but us would understand or give a shit about! I have a lovely guest room just waiting for you... Please?

Comments

[Jenny]

Love you, man.

[Her Bad Mother]

That just about sums it up, doesn't it? The bliss of all of the wonderful company; the torture of being pulled in all directions.

It was a real pleasure hanging and chatting with you at San Jose airport- a lovely, quiet, unhurried (!) end to the weekend. I very much hope that you made your connection after our flight's delay and didn't end up stuck in O'Hare for hours (as I did. Blech.)

[sweetney]

HBM: it was totally fabulous hanging out with you at the airport and made the pain of that much more bearable -- i wished we'd been able to sit beside each other on the plane (though admittedly i slept through most of the flight, thank god).

so good to meet and spend time with you. and i still love that skirt!

[jennster]

it's true. the different directions- the wanting to talk to certain people more, only to find out that you didn't get too. that's what happens when so many god dammed fabulous people are all in one place together! lol

[Heather B.]

It's just hard to sume it all up. You try and try and still it's hard to capture EVERYTHING that happened there.

So, thank you for letting me mooch off of you and for knowing my first and last name and saying it in such a 'duh' kind of way. It was so great to finally meet you.

[Karen Rani]

Of course you deserve all the love. Don't be silly. I get what you mean though. People I had no idea they knew who I was were coming up to me and it was bizarre, surreal and fucking weird.

[Zoot]

I felt the same way: Not enough time. But at the same time? Had it gone on longer? I might have died from overstimulation.

I'd love to chat on your porch any day.

[Mother]

I'm willing to fight you for HBM's skirt.

Maybe I'll have to hoof it to down to your neck o' the woods before I become hugely pregnant.

Or we could all just congregate for the marathon in NYC.

WEEEEE...

[Y]

The first time I tried to meet you, you were with Beth and you pulled her away from me and said "We have to go." (Because she wasn't registered. Totally understand the urgency.)

The second time we met, I was sitting in your chair (which, I didn't know it was your chair) and you were all "Hey, that's my chair!"

There wasn't a third time because I was kind of scared of you by then, which, Beth told me not to be because you were the nicest person, but, um, what can I say, I'm chicken.

[leahpeah]

that totally sums it up. it was so great seeing and meeting everyone. what would have been even better would be having enough time to talk to them. thanks for sitting with me for the interview. you totally didn't need the makeup. you were great.

[sweetney]

Y: ummm... i'm an ass? seriously, i'm so sorry. I *AM* NICE. goddammit. things were just, you know, a little frantic.

i would've loved it if you'd introduced yourself. FUCK FUCK FUCK! [shoots self in face]

[Angela]

Man, I wanted to spend more time talking to you, too! (But seriously, don't lose sleep over me. I'm not worth it!)

You know, now that I've wound down a bit, I find myself reading all of these BlogHer posts and thinking "Shit! THAT'S who that was!" And I'm kicking myself for not reading more nametags...

[Lia]

I never got to meet you but you cracked me up during the mommy blogging session for numerous reasons. I am enjoying getting to "know" you from your blog.

[Izzy]

I met you for about 4 seconds and forced you to hug me because then I could say I hugged on some Sweetney!

The whole thing was exactly as you characterized it, particularly the part where you think you'll have more time with someone later but it never comes to pass. That happened to me repeatedly.

But in any case, I hope I didn't scare you you too much. I'm just a huggie kinda chick and you're the fricken rockstar. Can you really blame me?

;p

[CityMama]

make mine a double :-)

[Kari]

Amazing times, yes.

And yes, people like you. :)

[Amy at Fannfare]

I wasn't able to make Blogher this year (or, well, ever) but have enjoyed the energy and inspiration it has given all my favorite writers/bloggers, you included! Glad it was all that and more.

I'd like to send you and M_ a "thank you for your blog" token, and while it would have been fun to do that as a surprise, I can't (der) because I don't know where to send it. Could you tell me how to send you a package via old-fashioned mail from CO? I'd love it.

[laurie]

I love you because you responded to my pathetic cry for help when I returned to my hotel room to find the freaking DOOR open. And then I stood idly by like it wasn't my room, while you walked in and checked it out for me. You are, therefore, and for many other reasons, awesome. Although I'm not a mommyblogger (doggieblogger, maybe, but not quite...) it's nice to have one around when you're freaking out, clearly.

I'm also from round your way - in Montgomery County, and up in B'more all the time. If you ever want to sit next to someone who is also rocking a laptop and a digital camera for no apparent reason, give me a shout. : ) MiniBlogher Meetup, perhaps? I'm down.

[Asha]

Likewise, dear S, likewise. I wish we had more time to talk, but the good feelings were all there! You were one of the first people I saw at the beginning of the festivities, and it was wonderful to feel like I was meeting a friend.

[Mindy]

Heh. And I owe you an apology for accosting you right off the plane as you tried to walk into the hotel and check in. I was all HI THERE GREAT TO SEE YOU with my three kids and boyfriend like you were supposed to recognize me from last year. (I always recognize you because you have the courtesy to always have that fabu haircut.) You were all heeyyy there, yeah, um, I just got here, but yeah, catch up later, who the fuck are you lady I don't know anyone with a passel of munchkins who looks like you and I just landed after a sixteen hour flight and am tired so please get away.

But you were nice about it.

: )

Also? I covet your blog background.

[Jenn]

I STILL have not washed my cheek. A kiss in the bar on the cheek by THE sweetney. Oh hell to the no! I am trying to get it framed.

"We" didn't make you feel like a rock star. You ARE a rock star! Love you, man!

[Very Mom]

Ahh, it was all I could do to introduce myself at a table before I had to go lie down and recover from the sheer overwhelmingness of the entire weekend.

[Denise]

Sweetneyyyyy!!!!

I didn't actually meet you, I don't think. I passed by you a lot, saw you across the room or pool a lot, but meet you... I don't think so, too damn many people going in different directions and pulling me along (and you along) with it. Darn.

Ah well, you live on in our world. Michelle has bought another skull bandana and has changed her myspace background to skulls. So, several times a day, we are all able to yell Sweetneyyyyyyyyy and think of you.

Pirates, sheesh. I thought my kids had outgrown that phase. I guess freaking not. ;-)