Achieving Maximum Awesomeness

So I know that many of you have been following my Angry Eye Saga on twitter (and if you aren't you so should, because, you know, good times), which began yesterday as some general morning eye goopiness and redness, and rapidly evolved into an epic good vs. evil-type battle between Angry Eye and the surrounding body in which it is encased. Drama, heroism, gigantic eye boogers -- this narrative has all the bells and whistles. BUT! I have newier news! And that is: MY LEFT EYE HAS NOW JOINED THE DARK SIDE. Yes, the traitor Lefty is now evilly cavorting with its angry optic brethren, and oh the multiplied burning and itching. But I think its safe to say that this development marks a rather significant Life Moment for me, one which might be best explicated in the following graph:

As you can clearly see, prior to Double Angry Eye, my life was somewhat middling in terms of achieved Life Awesomeness (LA). Childbirth, a root canal, and even single Angry Eye barely managed to collectively push me into the 50th percentile of LA. But now, with the Double Angry Eye? LIFE AWESOMENESS IS OFF THE FREAKIN' CHARTS. Thank you, Double Angry Eye!

For those steely enough to stomach it, photographic evidence of The Awesome after the jump...

GATSBY! I SAW WHAT YOU DID THERE!

Okay, so I'm pulling my lower eyelids down a little to emphasize the runny redness, but how could you fault me for that? I mean LOOK AT THEM! Those are two beauts, they are. I couldn't be prouder.

I'll leave you all to stew in your Angry Eyeball jealousy... who could blame you? I'm off to slather my entire head in calamine lotion and glitter. Or something.