The non-BlogHer BlogHer post

Those of you who read blogs by women are, as you may or may not be aware, about to be inundated with posts about and related to the upcoming BlogHer conference, taking place in Chicago in about two weeks. Many bloggers I know -- some of whom I consider dear friends -- are going, and of late the subject of the conference has come up in conversation and communication more times than I can count, invariably in the form of something like “Oh, and I'll be seeing you at BlogHer!” Which, all things considered, is a fair assumption, granted.

But I'm not going.

I'm not going to BlogHer. There, I said it.

I'll let y'all marinate in that for a moment. And alert the media. (snort.)

And no, I don't suppose this should be especially newsworthy, but as Sweetney is something of a clearinghouse for information as to The Haps (or lack thereof) of my small life, I thought I should probably mention it here.

Aaaand since people's responses to this information seem to invariably lean toward something akin to stunned disbelief, I should explain why? I guess? As if you care?

Were my reasons for not going a stew, the stock would consist mainly of (1) frothing monetary considerations, combined with meaty chunks of (2) social anxiety, smothered in a cornucopia of vegetable-like wads of (3) Total Blog Conference Burnout. Like so:

(1) Given that I went to SXSWi this Spring, I honestly didn't feel our family could or should sustain the second financial hit of shelling out cashola for yet another blog conference in less than six months. Additionally, I was given the option of instead renting a beach house for a week with family and close friends. Beach house or blogging conference? Hmm. Wow, that's a, umm, toughie. Yep.

(We're heading to the beach this Saturday.) (Woot!)

(2) As Amy -- who spent a long, irretrievably lost weekend rooming with me at SXSWi -- can attest, I have an extremely difficult time handling being continually around masses of peoples. About half an hour of meeting and greeting and general mass-socializing, and I pretty much have to go off by myself and lay down somewhere, all Garbo I vant to be alone-style. My experience at last year's BlogHer -- a gathering which was about triple the size of the first BlogHer conference -- was, for me personally, a perfect storm of total sensory overload and crippling social anxiety. At every turn it seemed twenty people would suddenly materialize out of nowhere that wanted to talk to me and/or that I wanted to talk to, and that endless crush of humanity -- albeit friendly and welcoming (and PRETTY! VERY VERY PRETTY!) humanity -- was something I found fairly paralyzing. And its hard to party hardy and have fun fun fun in a paralytic stupor (though oh my god, I'VE TRIED).

(3) I've gone to BlogHer two years in a row. Last year I was a panelist. This spring I went to SXSW, where I was also a panelist. And as much as I love blogging and bloggers (and lawd knows I do), Jebus H Christos can I really sit though yet another one of these things right now? Without my head exploding... all over Lisa Stone's pretty blonde hair? Probably not.

So there you go. I'm pussing out, fully and completely. You may commence with the schoolyard taunting and hassling.

And hey, listen, I KNOW that when the end of the month comes and everyone commences with their dispatches from the conference its going to suck. HARD. I KNOW THAT. And there are many, many people going this year that I would like to meet but haven't yet, and many, many people I have met that I'd very much like to see again. And, worse still, a buncha mah MamaPop betches are going, which I can't deny stings more than a little. And yes, I'll probably choke back some sobs when I start getting the drunken text messages from friends at the conference (ize luves ewe too, doodz!). It will be a difficult weekend, I'm not fooling myself.

But I will be strong. I will be resolute. And I'll always have my dear beach house memories to help sustain me. So HA, IN YOUR FACE, BLOGHER!

To those of you going, I say: have a Yahootini for me, won't you? And remember: that calcium water and fake sugar they'll be trying to shove down your throats are cleverly disguised vessels of demonic forces masquerading as viable conference swag. DO NOT WANT, believe me.

Have fun. Be safe. And you betches be NICE to each other, okay? Don't make me come over there and put you in a headlock and remind you you're not in junior high anymore. Word? Word.

So I'll be talkin' atcha next week from the beach... Oh, I'm sorry, I meant to say: DA MUTHAFUCKIN BEEEEYACH!

Sweetney OUT.

Comments

[Chase]

I'm making a similar post soon. But with a lot less people caring. And probably with more saying I couldn't care less this year because HELLO I'm getting married and it's all I can think about.

I'm glad I got to meet you last year, though. I quickly found out the smoke hole always has the best people in it. Thank god for my addiction.

[Kyla]

Poo. (how is that for a mature response? Heh.) I was hoping you'd be there. But I totally 100% understand. Go rock that beach, mah betch. ;)

[Marilyn]

Count me in for being disappointed you won't be there, but also totally understand why you're begging off (I'd totally take beach house over blogher too!). It would have been super cool to meet you. And you betta believe I'll be having a Yahootini in your remembrance. ;) (and I remember that nasty ass water from last year. DO NOT WANT indeed.)

[slouching mom]

Phew. Someone else isn't going.

I'm not going. There, I said it.

[margalit]

I have no intention of ever going. I don't even want to think about all those people and all that levity that I just don't feel around people. I've got social anxiety too, and I am a total mess at small talk. I just don't do it.

I do Blogathon instead, which to me is way more fun and I raise a lot of money for a good cause. I'm of the ilk where raising money is, at least to me, about the best thing to build up my self-esteem, and doing blogathon, where all I have to do is blog every 30 minutes for 24.5 hours seems to be an easy way to raise a large sum for an institution I love and believe in, Children's Hospital in Boston.

You might want to try that instead of thinking about Blogher. It works for me!

[Denise]

Damn. I'm bringing my 17 year old daughter and she was looking forward to meeting you. 'cause she wears a lot of pirate stuff and every time I see her in it I still yell "Sweetneyyyyyyyy". Damn.

You wouldn't want to change your mind, would you? 'cause this might screw up her fragile psyche.

Damn.

[BaltimoreGal]

I'm excited about BlogHer because it overlaps with APRA, my professional org's conference [ http://www.aprahome.org/Education/20thAnnualConference/tabid/81/Default.aspx ] which is July 25-28!
I was gonna ask if you wanted to meet up there but have been told that some people don't seize every chance to party.

[Katie Kat]

Good for you... cling to your Garbo-esque, beachy getaway as long as you can! ENJOY!

[Elizabeth]

*sniff* Can I send you a drunken text message? Can I send you cameraphone photos of me and a table full of people holding up a sign that reads We Miss Our Betch Sweetney? *sniff* I'll miss ya.

[ozma]

Aw, that's sad for your fans but it makes me feel better because I'm not going neither.

I totally freak out at conferences. It's hellish torture for me but probably for different reasons. People do freak me out though.

[Meg]

There's just no way that I could afford it. Plain and simple.

And when I think about the fact that my blog demographic lands pretty even along the gender lines, I think I'd be better off going to something not exclusively female, anyway.

Too much estrogen might explode my perimenopausal body.

[Thomas]

I'm a bit curious as to why one would want to meet other bloggers. Isn't the whole point of blogging one of avoiding legitimate social interaction?

[Michelle]

I'm not going, either, if that makes anyone feel any better. (Yeah right, if anyone's reading this comment they're thinking "Who the hell are you?")

Anyway, so, yeah, not able to go this year. Would LIKE to go to one, maybe, sometime. I dunno, it seems like, from what I've read about the first one, it was way cool, and then last year so many people got bitchy...that's what I don't like about large groups of women getting together. It just seems inevitable that the whole thing's going to boil down to a Drama-Fest.

*sigh* I don't know, maybe next year, or maybe I'll start participating in more local ones.

Anyway, have fun at the beach! :)

Hey! Maybe you should be planning a MamaPop Blog conference, eh? EH??? ;)

[jozet]

Ize not going either.

I want to go. Oh, how I do want to.

But last year I was having a baby, and this year we'll be celebrating his first birthday on Blogher weekend.

But next year...next year.

Enjoy the beeyatch!

[Suzy Q]

I am also not going to BlogHer because: A) I dont't have a blog, and B) I can't get any CE credits for my profession. Lame excuses, I know, but there you have it.

[Izzy]

Well, I'm not going to say you won't be missed, 'cause you will and if you WERE going, I'd totally shield you from the overhwelmingness of it all like your very own force field (and not invade your personal space by hugging you because what kind of weirdo would do THAT? *cough*)

Maybe next year?

[jonniker]

I'm not going either. I'd like to say that I'd like to, because part of me would, but could me in for reasons 1, 2, and 3, lock, stock and barrel. If I'm spending the money on Chicago, I'm going to see Chicago, and my friends who live in Chicago that I never get to see, etc. etc. I'd feel too guilty going to Chicago and then not GOING to Chicago, you know?

The thing is, I really want to meet everyone, you included, hooray!, but I don't actually have any interest in the content itself, which is kind of sad, isn't it? It's just that I like my blogging the way it is. If I analyze it too much, there's a solid chance I'll stop doing it.

However, in lieu of massive overwhelming social anxiety caused by large amounts of bloggers that I would MUCH rather meet on a much smaller scale, like one on freaking ONE, I will be spending the weekend with another blogger, who is coming to spend that weekend with me. So we're having a mini-BlogHer, Intimate Portrait edition.

[Amalah]

Not going.

Sad. Yet not. Mostly? BROKE. Also thinking that hey! Let's shove the newly-SPD-diagnosed kid on a plane and parade him in front of a zillion people who remember that time he pooped on the couch! Awesome.

No. Not going. Probably for the best. I know I'll feel all kinds of left outh though. Wah.

(I AM SO BROKE. MUST STOP BUYING CUTE SHOES HALP.)

[Suburban Turmoil]

Well. Damn.

[Busy Mom]

Dude. I finally get talked into going (see commenter above), and, you won't be there?

Hrumph.

[Tere]

I think I'd like to make it to one of the BH conferences... one day, maybe. I think it'd be fun to meet a lot of ladies I admire in person (and totally awkward, too, most def, but whatever).

But without really knowing what I'd do there, and serving no real purpose in being there, it's not money I can justify spending...