Tonight we're gonna party like it's 1899

Friday night was Jamie's company's annual Holiday Party, which I was contractually obligated to attend (or something). It was held at one of the Threespot co-owners palatial estates homes, but the scene was decked out with high-end food and bar service manned by seasoned professionals, and no expense was spared.

And because I so totally rule, over the course of the three-ish hours I was in attendance I managed to make just about every single person there uncomfortable by, among other things, calling the tuxedoed wait staff brought in to work the swanktastic gig “servants” (not to their faces or anything, but more like: “Hey what is this, a Merchant/Ivory Film? I feel like we're back in 19th Century India, oppressing people and shit! Awesome!”) -- loudly, and with a lot of superfluous, broad hand gesturing and cartoonish facial contortions.

Needless to say, Jamie's coworkers loved the crap out of me.

Luckily I'd established a circle of tolerant friends at Jamie's work years earlier, ones who are willing to humor me and put up with my absurd shtick, including the great and powerful Bill Colgrove, one of the Threespot owners and the absurdly talented designer responsible for the look and feel of Sweetney.com (who is also apparently something of a vampire magnet, if this photo is any indication) (his neck does look supple and inviting, you must admit):

Tell me I look like Kevin Spacey and I'll punch ya, sucka. HARD.

I also got to spend some time with friend of Sweetney.com Adam Good and his lady Kat. Some of you may remember Adam regaling us with a humorous tale involving Rip Torn?

I have a story about Abe Vigoda too, if you wanna hear that one.

And then my camera's battery unexpectedly died, and absent that amusement I commenced with swigging pitcherfuls of pomegranate Martinis while secretly pretending I was Elizabeth Taylor's Martha from Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf. As is my way.

I think Jamie still has a job. Errm, fingers crossed?

Comments

[Becca]

Here's my latest contribution to super-awkward party chat: Asking a seminary student if he was familiar with the expression "Jesus gay."

He was not.

[sweetney]

becca: oh that's awesome. you so totally win.

[Kelly Kearneyu]

Aww Sweetney,
I read all of your blogs, I am just really lazy and never comment.

[sweetney]

i think you people just want more funny dog pictures.

i feel so... used.

[Mrs. Flinger]

It's not us, it's the Internet. Well, them and those damn kids I brought to life and now will not give me ten effing minutes to crap alone or blog. WTF? (I'm not bitter)

I would totally awkward party with you. I'm a freakin' pro.

[Christine]

It sucks being forced to socialize with people who won't get your jokes. Hate that.

[Erica (crummy cupcake)]

First - I've never heard of Jesus gay. My Google fingers are itching. Second, I LOVE the slavery/servants reference. Why can't you have your servants set the snacks out on the table in attractive ways and silently come and refill when we stuff our faces full of food stuffs? Why must they wanter amongst us in penguin costumes? It's weird. Cause they have to hover and we have to ignore them. Or else we look like the trashy guests that can't have intelligent conversation with the real guests and we go out on the balcony during the white party (where only white foods are allowed) and someone thinks we are giving the cute smoking bartender a blow job... Wait. That was Carrie B. Anyhoo - I loved that you were faux-pas gal for the evening!

And since we're sharing - last night a woman had to tell me that her son (whom I had been complimenting for his performance in the school play) is not, in fact, her son, but rather is her daughter. Now that's a good time, right there. Cause there are a lot of ways to make that better and less awkward - let me tell you!

[Becca]

So far nobody in my real life has recognized "Jesus gay." The seminarian was the second one I asked, after my boyfriend questioned the usage.

The story gets better (by which I mean more awkward), because later the seminarian made it clear that he thinks sleeping with a Jewish heathen (me) is the reason my boyfriend doesn't go to church. This is sort of hilariously untrue.

Later on, I stole his champagne.

And the kicker: I have to go to his brother's wedding in three weeks.

[Amy]

My company CHARGES us for tickets to the holiday party. I'm boycotting.

[sweetney]

Amy: i think that's illegal. or should be.

[Maria]

LOL Sounds like you had a great time.

I never go to the holiday party. Too many people making asses of themselves. By the time the party rolls around, I don't want to speak to them because I'm in full fledged year end madness mode.

[Mrs. CPA]

Maybe not a Christmas party, but at an office retreat after about 10 long island iced teas I offered the suggestion of "Let's go to a titty bar!!" And off we all went. I was seriously afraid for my job. Who knew accountants were so wild?

[Erin Myers]

I am a DJ, and at one holiday party I worked, a guy came out to his co-workers by performing a striptease in drag to Santa Baby. He then stayed in his wig, makeup, and santa-themed negligee (complete with 4" heels), until the end of the party. I am *fairly* certain his co-workers got it....