And now he's pitching a movie of the week entitled “Truman: Innocence Stolen”

So I'm guessing all of you are pretty sick of the dog thing at this point. Well TOO BAD. (insert evil, fiendish cackling)

On Tuesday “Inside Edition” descended on our home like a plague of locusts laden with a metric ton of fancy-pants electronic equipment. When friends have asked me to describe what that morning was like, the only word that seems appropriate is “surreal,” though “panic-attack-inducing” and “fucking terrifying” might also work in a pinch. If there's one thing that this experience violently underscored for me it's that I am in no way cut out for the ranks of Celebrity -- at least if the version of Celebrity in question involves trying to speak coherently while staring directly into the dead, glassy eye of a videocamera. There's a reason I'm a writer and not an, errm, talker. Talking BAAAAD.

Anyway, it was sort of fascinating to see how what will probably end up being a minute or so of television gets cobbled together. The vast majority of the time the crew was here was comprised of a mind-numbing 'hurry up and wait' variety of suspended animation. I spent many long minutes sitting very, very still, staring off into dead air space located in the direction of where the segment's producer would sit across from me during our interview, so that the crew could set up shots and adjust lighting. The remainder of the time involved wrangling Truman -- who was so spastic with excitement you'd have thought the Disabled and Defenseless Small Mammal Circus had shown up unexpectedly on his doorstep -- and engaging him in a variety of activities for the benefit of the camera (Playing! Petting! Fetch! Tug-o-war! Stupid Santa Costuming! Whee!). I don't know if I've ever seen Truman happier, honestly. It's almost as if he'd been hamming in front of the camera his entire life. Oh, wait...

Oh hai, I re-coaxialed your cables.

The actual interview went fairly well, I suppose. I only had one full-on out-of-body experience during it, at which point I completely lost my train of thought, abruptly stopped speaking mid-sentence, and began twitching, foaming at the mouth, and rolling my eyes back into my head, Exorcist-style. HOW MUCH YOU WANNA BET THEY USE THAT FOOTAGE, HUH?

All told, it was a distinctly edumacational experience, if a slightly harrowing one. I'm told the piece will air in the next couple of days -- perhaps as early as tonight -- so be sure to keep an eye on this space, and I'll update as details come in. Because apparently many of you do indeed care. Like, A WHOLE FREAKIN' LOT and stuff. (shrugs)

PS: And while we're on the subject, my dear Mrs. Kennedy pointed this out to me the other day. It just doesn't end, does it?

Comments

[All Adither]

Did you end with, "AndthankyouforcomingtomyhomeInsideEdition.Pleasestopybymywebsiteatwww.sweetney.com?

[sweetney]

All Adither: i *may* have dropped some subtle hints to the producer about how FREAKING AWESOME it would be if my url appeared on screen. cough-cough.

[Fold My Laundry Please]

I mentioned to NPR that Fox had said it was your photo and that some intern had done it and now they want me to send them a link to your site, supposedly so that they can actually read about what happened for themselves. Not that it isn't right on the picture they have posted from your site!

[Tempered Woman]

Well I just think its freakin awesome that you are getting coverage to this issue. And even more awesome that it is coming from a very cool blog. Yes. I meant yours. But I'm not cool so that review may not win you many awards. But I think you are funny as hell.
And you should probably start working on deflating Truman's ego before it gets too out of control. My dogs are already asking if they can add him to their blogroll.

[AKPiper]

Inside Edition? Meh.

NPR - WOW!!! (swooning that you made it onto NPR)

[motherbumper]

So I watched Inside Edition last night and there was no spot so I will somehow try to bring myself to watch it again until I see the spot. See? I must really like you because OMG I'm watching Inside Edition. BTW I know I've never commented before but I'm a silent stalker (which is waaaaaaay better than a silent fart).

[sweetney]

motherbumper: aww! yeah, that's pretty much the definition of love right there ;)

[laura]

NPR? Has Truman gotten all cultured and shit?

I can't wait to see you guys. When the hell's that show on, anyway?

[Kim]

So, are you like famous and stuff now and next we'll see you and Truman presenting an award at the Grammys?

[Suebob]

"Disabled and Defenseless Small Mammal Circus" - I bow to your writerly genius. Dang, woman.

[ozma]

OMFG BBQ! NPR!!!

[Maria]

Dude! Inside Edition and NPR. You're famous.

I bet you will be a Rockstar in the interview, second only to our beloved Truman.

[Ann]

Tried to comment under Jan 4th post... Trumangate...

I think you could contact PPA...
http://www.ppa.com/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=16

Shame on Fox.

[Izabella]

what a kool blog~ lovin it!

found your link through twitter~

~Izabella

[mama's got moxie]

haven't been here in a couple weeks and wow, this story sure has taken some twists and turns!! inside edition, eh? that's pretty darn cool. hey, at least you have plenty of blogging material now!! :)

[AmyChop]

do you know when it's going to be on yet? i cannot be trusted to negotiate television showtimes on my own.

[sweetney]

AmyChop -- I just spoke with someone at Inside Edition and she said they're cutting it right now, and that it'll be on this week. still not sure about the exact date, but will keep you posted!