Mishy-mashy-meltdowny (updated)
1. I think I have the blogger's version of ADD right now. Are there any drugs yet available for that? BESIDES COKE, I MEAN. jeez!
2. Today marks 80 days since I quit smoking. (wee hurrah!) That's 1,920 hours worth of pure, unadulterated lung sacs, people. Not that I'm, err, obsessive-compulsively counting or anything. cough.
3. My friend Angela was over at our house last night (we have a standing date to watch “Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew” each Thursday, because we're so totally awesome like that), and gave good quote, as follows:
“Libertarians are like well-spoken retarded people.” - Angela
I'm thinking someone might need to get some sloganized bumper stickers, coffee mugs, and novelty t-shirts printed up, no?
4. Remember that whole bizarre and frightening “Inside Edition” thing? Well fasten your seatbelts, because the piece is airing TONIGHT*. As in... (gulp) mere hours from now. Which begs the question: if I being drinking NOW, will I still be conscious at 7pm when the segment airs? Or should I perhaps just go ahead and ask a friend to swing by around 6:30pm and bop me on the head with a hammer or something?
Hold me?
For the record, I am in reality much, MUCH more articulate, attractive, and funnier than I appear on TV. No, seriously. It's like TV is a car's rear-view mirror, and I'm an object that is much larger than it appears. Wait, that came out all wrong...
5. In light of the impendingness of #4, I feel I should now say: WELCOME, INSIDE EDITION OVERLORDS! Please make yourselves comfortable... kick off your shoes and have a cocktail, fer crissakes! And in case any of you were wondering, here's a sampling of what this blog is like when I'm not yammering on endlessly about my dorktastic dog. (Okay, so YES, there's still dog-yammering involved there... but we're talking a trivial 8% net dog-yammering when adjusted over 12 months. I should have some graphs and pie charts made -- maybe a powerpoint presentation, yes?)
6. Oh to hell with it.
I vant to be alooooone, far from the maddening crowds....
I has outside!
*UPDATE: Literally TWO EFFING MINUTES after I posted this, I got the following email in my inbox form the person at “Inside Edition” who'd written this morning to inform me the Truman piece would be running tonight:
“I JUST GOT THE NEW RUN DOWN FOR THE SHOW TODAY. THE SHOW WILL NOT BE AIRING THIS TODAY. Sorry for all the confusion. Due to Heath Ledger passing away we are doing a lot of pieces on him. I will let you know when the new air date is.”
Sorry everybody.
If you need me I'll be hiding under a large rock, mortified and blushing, until further notice. over/out.
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this just means that you have a second chance to drink yourself into oblivion before the show airs. Also. pictures of Truman watching would be totally awesome and stuff.
Pee ess: calm down, whenever it does air, it WILL be OK.
Posted by: bluepaintred | January 25, 2008 at 04:22 PM
Congrats on the 80 day mark! Today is the 16 day mark for me. I wish I was closer to 80 days. Then I'd be out of my own personal "danger" zone. Tell me, does the grumpiness go away? :)
Posted by: Cassie | January 25, 2008 at 04:25 PM
Aww I wanted to see it!!!! /cry No need to hide Tracey... We still lurve you!
Posted by: NotAMeanGirl | January 25, 2008 at 04:26 PM
I'm sorry Truman got bumped for a another sad celebrity death. Oh, Congrats on quitting smoking! It's been 16 weeks, 4 days, 6 hours, 31 minutes, 57 seconds since I had my last cig. What freedom!
Posted by: Susan | January 25, 2008 at 04:45 PM
Damn, I was really excited to see the show. ALSO? Celebrity Rehab was SO great last night.
Posted by: BaltimoreGal | January 25, 2008 at 05:02 PM
I KNOW! don't these celebrities know Truman needs his public!?!?
seriously though, i had about a 15 minute long meltdown/tantrum over posting this and then finding out it wasn't happening... am better now. deeeep breaths. just felt like an ass for broadcasting it to the whole wide internet, only to have it almost immediately fall through, yanno? oops! takebacksies!
feeling that retail therapy might be in order... there's gotta be some crap out there that needs me to buy it, right?
oh and also: have i mentioned it is (ahem) that time of the month? MY LIFE IS AWESOME! whee!
these are indeed the days that i think a whole lot about smoking. i won't -- 80 days is too far gone to go back. but oh, i'm *thinking* about it...
Posted by: sweetney | January 25, 2008 at 06:04 PM
Damns! I was getting all essited for you! My advice? Drink anyway. And here's a hug (in response to "hold me?").
YOU SHALL BE AWESOME IN YOUR AWESOMENESS BECAUSE, well... you can't hide that kind of thing under a bushel, lady.
YOU ROCK. I can't believe they bumped you for MORE coverage of Heath Ledger, although I think he may have made me love gay cowboys even more than I did before. OOOOO, did you know there's a gay rodeo? Tee hee!
Posted by: Katie Kat | January 25, 2008 at 06:07 PM
You got some fame today at least -- today I was blessed to listen to her Sweetness on CBC's "Search Engine".
I wonder how many Canadians are going to look up sweetknee.com today...
Posted by: sween | January 25, 2008 at 06:09 PM
P.S. DO NOT GO BACK TO SMOKING... no matter what. Better to drink thyself into a stupor. And WOO HOO to you for going 80 days!
P.S.S. (Or should that be PMS?) Truman's so Greta Garbo with his "I VANT to be alone..." Such a VAMP that dog.
Posted by: Katie Kat | January 25, 2008 at 06:10 PM
Oh yes, life is just freaking peachy right now. Say the word and Hampden (and its endless, funky shopping with a side of freaks) is yours- with Stella & me as tour guides (and bodyguards if the press shows up).
Also, further incentive to not smoke- on those times when you do go to eat/drink outside your house, remember there will not be smoking allowed inside those spots in the MD after 2/1. Strengthen the resolve? I hope so. Several of our online friends in common have quit/are quitting now that the ban is coming. And now when I'm drunk I won't try to bum cigarettes off them. Good for all of us!
Posted by: BaltimoreGal | January 25, 2008 at 06:46 PM
I'm sorry you were usurped by dead celebrities. Damn TV shows...
Speaking of which: I am in absolute love with that celebrity detox show. I missed it last night?! Ack!
Posted by: imaginary sarah | January 25, 2008 at 07:50 PM
At least they're not skipping you for something like the Duggar family.
Posted by: Nic | January 25, 2008 at 08:14 PM
Nic, off in the distance, i just heard a rim-shot...
Posted by: sweetney | January 25, 2008 at 09:57 PM
i think that libertarian comment is gold. bring on the bumper stickers.
Posted by: lea | January 25, 2008 at 10:27 PM
Please do not contribute to the negative stereotypes about people who are mentally retarded. Let's all use our big-girl words to express distaste rather than use the term "retarded" to describe people we don't like.
Posted by: erica | January 27, 2008 at 12:51 PM
erica: thanks for sharing your condescension/enlightenment. i'll be sure to pass your wisdom on to angela.
perhaps you would also like to contact these folks: http://www.retarded.it/
Posted by: sweetney | January 27, 2008 at 01:22 PM
while watching celebrity rehab, i have to keep pausing the show so i can go smoke.
how do you have such strong willpower?
Posted by: gorillabuns | January 27, 2008 at 10:06 PM
“Libertarians are like well-spoken retarded people.”
Ha!!
Posted by: erinberry | February 03, 2008 at 03:15 PM