A few minutes with Gen-X Andy Rooney

Listen, you people with the bands, making up the dumb band names up? You need to cut that shit out.

Perhaps I'm alone in this, but lately it seems to me as if there's some kind of contest going on for who can come up with the most ridiculous, dorktastic rock band name of them all, and that increasingly the competition is getting -- as Tyra Banks would say -- FIERCE. To wit: on my most recent mix (available for your downloading pleasure in ye olde sidebar), I have songs by Okkervil River, Vampire Weekend, The Arcade Fire, and Architecture in Helskini. I guess these names are supposed to sound mysterious and, umm, pretentious arty? Or something? FAIL ART KIDS FAIL!

Don't get me wrong -- these are great bands who make great music. But is our reserve of band names so bankrupt that we now have to -- as a people -- resort to this kind of annoying Madhatter's Acid Trip Tea Party use of language? IS IRRITATING. TO ME.

Archetypal band dude: "Well, our first choice was The Police but that's taken, so howsabout we go with BURNIN' LOUNGE JUNKIES?"

Because, you know, there's nothing cooler than a barfly heroin addict with 3rd degree burns. Yep, I don't know about you, but that SO makes me wanna rock out. snort.

And don't even get me started on the vagaries of band name fashion, such as the recent scourge of Wolves -- Wolf Parade, Wolfmother, Sea Wolf -- yeesh, I'm nodding off just thinking about it.

I guess bands could all just keep reloading this page, until they find something that sticks. A sampling of the potential greatness:

1. The Cobalt Anvil Project (Dropping The Rock on your vulnerable, helmetless skull [gives The Goat])
2. Pool of Jugglers (Eat your heart out, Dadaists!) (I secretly kind of like this one)
3. A Fistful of Wookiees (Anything that mentions Wookiees = CASH MONAY)
4. Three Vicious Monkeys (Same goes for Monkey$$$$ - dolla dolla bills, y'all!)
5. leafgun (Oh the dichotomous irony! Nature, meet the cold hard steel of industrial killin' writ artfully in all lower case. English majors, REJOICE!)

I think you see where I'm coming from and/or going to with this. Horse = dead and thoroughly beaten. So can we call a naming truce, band peoples? Howsabout some nice definite articles followed by nouns, hmm? Those are always good. The Cars. The Shins. The White Stripes. Simple. Classic. Not trying too hard. Think about it, yes?

(Has emo band, The Reverse Sneezes. Note dramatic
black eyeliner and soulful, yearning eyes.)

PS: Wholly unrelated: have you seen how far the LOL Cat Bible has come lately? I recall seeing Genesis back in the day ("back in the day" on the internet = 6 months ago), but had no idea it had grown into a real interpretation of the entire Bible. If nothing else, you'll want to check out The Book Of Job, and The Song Of Solomon. Holla back, fellow (ex-)Catholics! (I anxiously await the LOL Cat version of The Book Of Revelations (O NOES!!1!!!).)

Comments

[LolaGranola]

De-lurking to say, my favorite from the generator: The Viscous Hamster Theory. Playing, of course, death metal anthems about hamster conspiracies and blood-thirsty tendencies. Hey, I think I just came up with the title for their first album...

[Robin]

lolcatbible.....OMFG. I think I love you for linking that. Us ex-Catholics holla back with ya Lady....

[sweetney]

LolaGranola: why you lurk? THAT'S NOT LOVE!

"Hamster Conspiracies and Blood-Thirsty Tendencies" -- is a concept album, yes?

[Kathy]

First name got with the band name generator:

Two Bishops With Oysters

Yep. MySpace ready.

[kerri]

I'm with you...there are so many of them, I can't take them seriously. This is a sampling of the band names on the show posters hanging in my store right now:

Parts and Labor
Ecstatic Sunshine
Bear and Pieces
Hittytitty
Rock Tits
Immediate
Strawberry Mansion

Poor dears trying too hard to be weird :(

[BaltimoreGal]

My band's name is A House of Men. Sounds like an 80s New Wave group, no?

Hittytitty and Immediate are AWFUL names.

Why are band names always better if they have "The" in front of them?

[the Duchess]

Last night as I was looking into things to do this weekend, I happened upon a concert announcement for a band called "piss piss piss moan moan moan". I know nothing about them and they could be great but I have zero desire to look them up because, umm, guys? I have enough of the pissing and the moaning in my life already.

[K]

My husband and I are going to see his friend's punk band "Johnny Hotcock and the Haters" on Friday... I think he might be angry...

[Elizabeth]

That site gave me Buddy Claypool and the Windy City Buckaroos-which is just so Lawrence Welk-tastic, I can hardly stand it.

But then I got House of Clowns. That's not too bad, right? House of Clowns would have a soulful female lead singer, like early No Doubt.

[Maria]

Hello Truman!

P.S. Why don't you love me anymore? sweetney.com doesn't want to remember my info.

[Sarcomical]

i got:

The Famous Frog Policy
&
angstconsultant

am strangely drawn to the second.

heh

[Katie Kat]

Ahhhhh... I'm hiding in the corner fearing the day I have to start dealing with this type of behavior. Bethany's only two now, and I'm already using the 1-2-3... method. Of course, when I get to three, she just says "four! five! six!" like we've suddenly launched into a fun counting game and not amatuer discipline!!

On the other hand, I *HEART* the LOL Cat Bible. Must has many trips to become more enlightened. OKTHXBAI.

[Katie Kat]

Funny aside... I PUT THIS REPLY AFTER THE WRONG POST! Sigh. I've been up all night analyzing LOST and trying to keep Bethany's 103 fever down, so must forgive me lovlies!

[Liana]

Oh Truman. He PERFECTLY fits the bill of an emo leading man- or in this case, leading pug.

And I TOTALLY want to start the group leafgun now.
(And yep, I was an English Major! :)

[PISS PISS PISS MOAN MOAN MOAN]

Funny article this one here...thanks for the insight...do you have a band? what's the name??
o well, that is what i expected..

dead silence

...to the one who has enough pissing and moaning in their life...joke's on you!

we feel sorry you have that much suffering in our life...

Piss Piss Piss Moan Moan Moan is simply a duo playin the anti-rock noise/experimental card.

We stand for radical politics, socialism and against neo conservative liberalism, but WE WONT PREACH TO YOU. Literally, our name reflects the current state of mind of today's americans...lots of complaining yet NO ACTION.

come to our show, and stop your pissing and moaning here! my regards to your little close minds...

peace!

A + N = PPPMMM

[sweetney]

that last comment may be my favorite ever. i may print it out and frame it. snort.

[PISS PISS PISS MOAN MOAN MOAN]

maybe you want to consider SNORT as a possible band name....but we are changing our name to...

"that last comment may be my favorite ever. i may print it out and frame it."

kisses,

PPPMMM

[kdiddy]

Tracey, you and I are starting a band and our name will be OMFG Shut Up.

[sweetney]

what happens if i change my band's name to PPPMMM? does the world implode? will dogs start meowing, and cats begin barking?

i like this game.

[Katie Kat]

The best thing about the post from PPPMMM is that THEY ARE PISSING AND MOANING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE PISSING AND MOANING!

Classic, truly classic.

PPPMMM, if you truly want to NOT preach, then you need to NOT post preachy comments, uh, DUR.

[Suebob]

Dude. Strawberry Alarm Clock. Butthole Surfers. Squirrel Nut Zippers. Poi Dog Pondering. This stuff is as old as time.

[sweetney]

an earlier commenter mentioned PPPMMM above, which i'm guessing is what drew them here. apparently they troll the internet, looking for mentions of their band. they are just THAT COOL.

[ubu]

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