Un-Sexy Back

My trip to California last week can be summed up in two words: DOANS PILLS. I didn't have them, but oh my god how I and my elderly musculoskeletal system wished I did.

Tuesday, the day before I left, I pulled something in my back. Well, several somethings. I'm pretty sure this happened when I stupidly lifted a 30 pound box of cat litter, as I frantically endeavored to prepare our home and all the living creatures in it for the three day siege of studied neglect and organizational anarchy that is my husband being in charge of our household. I do what I can, and leave the rest up to the gods.

(For your information, I am now of the mind that the creation of 30 pound boxes of anything is an affront to all humankind. Especially all of humankind's spine and lower back. There should be a law or something.)

So I woke up at the ass-crack of dawn on Wednesday to catch my early morning flight out of dodge only to discover that I was magnificently hobbled. As in, every step was an aching clusterfuck of anguish, a tumult of cramping and seizing agony. I somehow managed to pack and get myself out the door -- in between frequent pauses to choke back the strangled screams involuntarily spasming in my throat.

And then? I spent 6 hours crammed into an economy seat on a plane. I'll just let you imagine for a moment what that was like. As a side-note to flesh out your mental-picture-conjuring, I will offer that during my flight I enthusiastically glugged down two atrociously bad glasses of red wine from two teeny-tiny wine bottles, and very nearly wept openly at the pathetic Hilary Swank romantic comedy "P.S. I Love You" (or, as I like to now call it, "P.S. My Acting Career Is Over"). DON'T YOU JUDGE ME. YOU DON'T KNOW MY PAIN.

Over the course of the 48 hours I was actually in California, several things happened.

1. I spent a crapload of time with this whore (who I call "whore" with the deepest love and affection, since she's pretty much like my sister and I feel that level of connection with her, despite her total epic whorishness)

2. Magical camera-gifting gnomes sprinkled gold dust, SLRs, and videocameras on our heads (OUCH!)

3. Amy and I met, fell in love with, and were photographed by this woman, who I so totally want to be when I grow up

Squeezy McEyesockets and Squinty McGlarekins

4. I got a massage, during which the masseuse said to me, and I quote: "Yeah, your back is pretty fucked up"

5. I whined. A LOT. (DON'T YOU JUDGE ME. YOU DON'T KNOW (yada yada yada...))

6. I watched -- of my own volition, and because I enjoy suffering, apparently -- a PBS documentary about cancer. And quickly realized just how good my back pain felt

All told, back drama aside, the trip was whorishly profitable a lot of fun. Mera is going to be speaking at BlogHer, by the by, and you should so totally catch that shit if you can, fo shizzle.

And, of course, my back got all better only after leaving California. It's like I'm being punished. BY LIFE.

You can stop laughing at me now. Dammit.

Comments

[Colin Brooks]

Oh the back pain sounds like a well, pain in the back!

That is a wonderful photo of you guys! I love your pose (okay, I'm making fun of you a little).

As for PS. I love you, I remember reading the book a few years ago and loving it (yes, I read that sort of books, don't you dare judge me!) but the film sucked a lot. I hate when they make books I like into films they always ruin them for me.

I hope your back is feeling better.

[Liana]

Glad you're back! And- I think that's a picture of two very hot ladies.

(My eyes kinda disappear when I smile for photographs because they are small and I'm of Eastern European descent. So you girls have nothing to complain about. Esp. cause you both look gaw-geous. :)

[FabGirl]

Welcome home. What a whirlwind trip. How was house upon your arrival? I'm sure mine would have smelled, uhm, funky.

[Katie Kat]

You were being punished because it wasn't fair that you AND Amy were in Cali having fun without ME... DUH!

I am your long-lost third Muskateer, you just don't know it. *Guffaw*

[sweetney]

FabGirl - my issue wasn't so much with the *smell* as it was with things like, oh, the magazines, papers, and newspapers covering every flat surface. the random stray crumbs everywhere. the couch having been somehow moved a few feet for no apparent reason, inexplicably.

i try to imagine what he was doing for three days to make these things happen. then i think better of that, and realize i don't want to know.

[jodifur]

Great picture!

[K]

Aw Tracey...you had your event where I got married 3 years ago. It is so amazing there. We are still in San Diego...just not La Jolla.
Hope you had a great time...minus the back pain.

[Her Bad Mother]

You had sunshine, and liquor. AM JELUS.

(xoxo)

[kdiddy]

pretty ladies! can I have some cameras?

[Dana]

Sunshine, liquor, and $700 camera. ALSO JELUS.

[jenB]

That photo is fantastic. My sympathy about the back is somewhat evened out by the free cameras. :-) But why didn't you buy some Doans?

[Heather B.]

That photo of you two is absolutely lovely.

[Kim]

I pulled my back on Saturday at a massage, I feel for you! The photo is very cute!

[Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)]

I had no idea you were in so much pain! I am so sorry to hear that!

That photo is fantastic!

It was great meeting you - hopefully we will meet again and hopefully it will once again include palm trees, free food and free massages!

[Kelley]

The gifting gnomes here in Australia just crap on your head and take pictures of it for their blogs...

So besides the camera concussion and the ouchie back how was the food? I always loves me free food. Always tastes better :)

[Maria]

Welcome back! Love the photo of you and Amy.

I'm having sympathy pains for you. Being crammed in an economy size seat for 6 hours is no bueno, but it has to be worse when you're in pain.

[Chris]

I have total empathy for your back issues as I have my own from a stupid year of rugby-playing.

The trip sounds fantastic. And you got an A-300? Can you post a review down the road. My husband shoots with a Minolta Maxxum 7D and I was eyeing the Alpha as I could share lenses.