Explanatory notes on my supreme nonfiction*

I know, I know, I've been being kind of cryptic around these here parts of late. And not having comments open probably hasn't helped. I apologize, most sincerely I do.

But you see, a couple of times a year -- like grim clockwork, and usually around the time of a change of seasons -- things in my brain take a sharp turn for the worse. The best possible description I've been able to come up with is that it's like the world is set on a dimmer switch, and during these episodes the brightness level of everything around me slowly dials down to black. It's a process: I don't just wake up one day wholly mired in a La Brea Tar Pit of depression and crazy. It kind of creeps up on me. And the whole "creeping" part of it is mighty disturbing, might I add. At times it feels something like what I imagine watching yourself drown or be buried alive would be like, being fully conscious yet unable to stop or escape the dark thing swallowing you up.

Oh the depressive melodrama. I'm sorry. You deserve better. Perhaps a little ditty by Poe instead, hmm? gurgle.

Long time readers have been here and back with me before. In the case of those of you with a particularly strong masochistic streak, here and back several times over. And I thank you for putting up with my mercurial bullshit, dear gentle, tolerant readers. Soon I'll be right as rain and posting delightfully lighthearted dog photos again, I promise! Your dancing monkey will return with new dances! PREPARE TO BE DAZZLED... AT SOME INDEFINITE POINT IN THE NOT-SO-DISTANT FUTURE... OR SOMETHING. 

For the time being though, I don't have much to offer that isn't painted black, beyond that I was asked by the Baltimore Sun to submit a list for the Mother's Day edition of the paper of 5 tangible things I'd like to have (calls for "World Peace" and "more time" need not apply -- we're talking concrete consumer goods and services, people). Absent my own responses, which I have to withhold for use by the good people at the Sun, I ask all ye mamas: What 5 tangible things would YOU like for Mother's Day? (were money and the bounds of bland reality no object.)

C'mon, humor me why doncha. Lord knows I could use humoring right about now.

. . . . .

*Nods to Wallace Stevens

Comments

[jodifur]

1. iphone (since mother's day is also 2 days after my b-day, I think I deserve it!)

2. A kitchen Aide mixer (I know, how stupid, but I didn't register for one and have spent the last 7 years wishing I did).

3. A new spring handbag (although I think my mom
got me this).

4. A vacation, just husband and I

5. And if money were really no object, a new house.

Hang in there hon!

[NotAMeanGirl]

Love ya woman!

5 Material things I want for Mother's Day:

I've lost 80 lbs... NEW CLOTHES
I have a 7 year old... Calgon would be nice
I live with my parents... A weekend in a hotel would be LOVELY
I make greeting cards... Pretty paper would ROCK
and
I live away from my Husband ... B.O.B. would be handy *Cough*

[carolyn]

1. iPhone
2. a massage -- a very long massage
3. coffee shop gift card, enough for a latte a day for a couple of weeks
4. cleaning service, even if it's just one massive spring cleaning
5. a weekend with husband sans kid in a really nice hotel, complete with fancy schmancy dinner and breakfast in bed

[plaincake]

1.weekly yoga class/massage
2.long vacation w/ husband in Napa
3.weekly cleaning service
4.Since I have triplet toddlers- daily childcare and montessori tuition
5.a new kitchen and back deck

[Laura]

1. a new couch
2. a book store gift card
3. yarn shop gift card
4. new deck chairs
5. believe it or not, roller skates

[Michelle]

1. A lapdesk for my new laptop
2. Macro lens and flash for my camera
3. A weekend getaway - doest have to be anywhere exotic or fancy, a little lakeview cabin in the town a mere hour away will do just fine
4. One of the jewelry items I've got faved at Etsy
5. Patio furniture - particularly a comfy chair or covered swing

I was having a difficult time coming up with more than one thing there for a minute. I was worried that something was wrong with me, then found that I had seven and had to pare it down a bit. So, yep, still greedy!

[Keryn]

1. Lotsa new clothes.
2. An apron!
3. A weekly maid service.
4. All my debt paid off.
5. A completely "finished" house.

[Robyn]

A similar thing happens to me, and I happen to be in a similar place right now. Loved the commandments post - it struck a nerve with me.

5 things I want? Hmmm...

1. A macro lens for my camera.
2. Photoshop CS3
3. A personal massage therapist.
4. A weekend in New Orleans
5. A whole day to spend at Barnes and Noble

[Liz]

1. Tickets to a concert of my choice.
2. An actual vacation (even with kids, at least hubby and I would be somewhere other than home!)
3. Dancing lessons (belly dancing, tango or anything with actual steps you have to memorize!)
4. Massage therapy schooling.
5. This beautiful blouse I've been eyeing in a catalog for a long time and have yet to purchase because it's out of my price range.

[Eden]

Five tangible, covetable things?

A new pair of sneakers, a Scooba, a jacuzzi tub (as part of an entire bathroom makeover), a DVR and The Cone.

[Aimee Greeblemonkey]

My hubby will be there in Maryland this year, seeing his mother, so I am up on the Mom's Day martyr cross personally.

But I hear you on the winter blues. They suck donkey balls.

[Faith]

vodka, vodka, wine, vodka, and rum.
Yep, I'm pretty much right there with ya! damn it.

[Ann]

1. Winning numbers to the powerball multimillion dollar lottery.
2. To be pregnant again
3. My very own airplane and lessons to learn to fly it
4. A vacation home close to my family, or on the beach.
5. Hardwood floors

[cursingmama]

Tangible things...that do not have to be expensive:
1.) A heartfelt homemade card from my children
2.) Breakfast in bed
3.) A week off from laundry duty
4.) Someone else to plan, make, serve, & clean-up dinner for a week.
5.) A sunny day to enjoy with my family

[Florencia]

ALL I ever wanted was to quit my job and spend time with my 18 month-old daughter. Stay home and make beautiful jewelry. Move into a bigger apartment, you know, one with more than one bedroom for all three of us? Adopt a dog. OK, two dogs. Have another baby.

Is that too much to ask???

[heidi]

If I could have 5 things, I would do my own version of that show "Ten Years Younger."

1. lasik eye surgery (no more glasses!)
2. teeth whitening (no more coffee teeth!)
3. chemical peel (no more old lady skin!)
4. new wardrobe (no more frumpy mom clothes!)
5. a house. with 3 bdrms. and a yard. in san diego. (i'm gonna look so good after numbers 1-4 that i can't go back to my tiny apartment, now can i?)

[ChrisinNY]

a sun room

[Heather]

1. Someone to paint our second bedroom/will be nursery
2. A new iPod, as mine has died (weeps)
3. Emerald earrings
4. A copy of Donna O'Neeshuck Was Chased By Some Cows
5. A cool alarm clock

[Kimberly]

1. A bidding war on our flippin' house in sHwELLville--that would be Federal Hill. Anyone? Anyone? It does have the most luxurious bathroom I have ever owned... Also, offering a super functional and attractive cooks' kitchen!
2. A Hermes bag--virtually any one of them. I'm a purse slut. Since money is no object...preferably deep brown or maybe teal. Pumpkin orange? Red? I could be flexible.
3. A Hermes scarf--to go with my bag of course!
4. A second home in France, somewhere between Nice and Cannes. Probably more precisely between Antibes and Juan-les-Pins.
5. A patent on the perfect Rx for this-time-of-year blues remedy. I have felt what you describe and, while I don't have any answers, I wish you a speedy bounce-back from black-and-bleek-land.

Will stay tuned...

[Amy]

1. An iMac laptop. I'm tired of sharing a computer with 3 kids.
2. Liposuction
3.These sandals from La Canadienne. In red.
http://www.zappos.com/n/p/p/7380627/c/3298.html
4.Wii Fit
5. New rear tires.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

First off, hope the sun comes back to you soon.

Here are my "money-is-no-object" fantasy list:

1. A full-time maid/housecleaner, preferably one that looks like Alice from Brady Bunch and not one of those hot-to-trot sexy maids.

2. The newest Roomba, for when the maid has the week off.

3. A personal trainer and nanny combo---one could work my butt off while the other watches the kids.

4. Gift certificate for endless pedicures and massages, year-round.

5. A year's supply of every La Mer product, so as to ward off the ravages of time a bit better.

[jenB]

1) I am a jewelry whore - etsy, tiffany's, whatev
2) oooo Wii fit! me too
3) pedicures and facials avery couple of weeks or so.
4) motivation for all sorts of shit i should be doing
5) solo vacation involving somewhere warm

[Maria]

I'm not a mother, but I would like to humor you. :-)

1. 500 mm lens
2. A camera bag that doesn't look like a camera bag.
3. A breast reduction.
4. New lingere wardrobe after said reduction.
5. New glasses.

[Caroline]

1. Breasts that I didn't have to roll up window shade-style into my bra. I don't really want pron-star boobs, just my own lifted back to quasi-pre-six pack proportions.

2. I'm hitting the Roomba too.

3. A large gift basket of goodies from Zabar's. Let's be honest, the breakfast that I'm likely to get on Sunday will be a pathetic substitute to their kick ass bagels and coffee. Babka is my homeslice.

4. A gift certificate to my favorite (or yours) store and THE TIME ALONE TO ACTUALLY SHOP.

5. MarioKart for the Wii. I'm a dork. I'm embracing it.

[janny226]

1. All my photos nicely arranged in albums.
2. New clothes (boring, I know, but I never find time to shop), including lingerie.
3. Plane tickets to take DuckyBoy with me to see my mom.
4. Comfy shoes that go from playground to dinner.
5. Cookies. Preferably crunchy, with nuts and chocolate.

Thanks for sharing how you're feeling. It really helps me identify how I feel when other can be honest about their ups and downs.

[Sheryl]

1. New furniture for our new house
2. Someone to buy our old house
3. another dog
4. new friends in our new city

[Kimberly C]

1. Weekend without kid, with husband, no guilt.
2. Housekeeper.
3. THE HOUSE DEAL TO GO THROUGH (we are looking at one)
4. No guilt from my parents about the new house.
5. I dunno what else. Maybe new furniture to go in new house?

[ozma]

Do they really have to be tangible? I want to go to the movies. A million dollars? I don't know. An easy life, a disgustingly easy life. Liposuction.

If you are depressed then that is painful and I don't see that you ever have to apologize for taking about it. Must we all be cheery all the time? Is that even possible? I wish you were not depressed, of course. But, really. You are truly fabulous, depressed or no. I do not think you have to be funny or entertaining when the dimmer switch hits to continue to be amazing.

[Hanna]

I would like an ipod, so I can listen to podcasts..

A small sewing machine

To use my spa gift certificate

To go to a movie, even if it's by myself (specifically so see Baby Mama)

A bigger house (we haz too much stuff.)

[Kelley]

A room in my house where the floor is a trampoline. And the walls covered in velcro. And a velco covered suit.

Oh and a Wii fit. And a truckload of chocolate..

And you to contact me about taking me to BlogHer with you. Puleease. All the cool kids are taking me...

[Jen @problem girl]

1. Maid service for a year (or the rest of my life)
2. digital video camera
3. diamond earrings
4. a tattoo
5. jeans that don't make my butt look big (let's suspend reality for a second ok?)

[Michele]

In no particular order:

1. Viking Range
2. Jewelry from Sundance catalog
3. Bookstore gift card (a big one)
4. A bike
5. A hammock (with stand & cover)

[gala]

1) a baby (i am one of your not-yet mommy bloggers)
2) every prize winning book of the year and time to read them
3) weekly cleaning service
4) a cooking class with a sushi chef
5) a baby

you did say reality need not hold us back...

wishing you a happy and cloudless mother's day!