My heart wants to explode far away

Some days it seems it's impossible to not just wake up and from minute zero be in a funk. Today is one of those days, I fear.

When mired in the deep, frothing shit-stew of my own emotions, I invariably find myself turning to music to express what I feel. When I can't find the words, songs find them for me. So here's what I'll be having set to endless repeat today, looping through my ears and into my brain, because it just IS what I'm feeling, or at least as close as I can get to it:

. . . . .

Hate - Cat Power

Anyone can tell you there's no more road to ride
Everyone will tell you there's no place to hide
There's no laws or rules to unchain your life
But the ones who didn't make it
The ones who couldn't fake it
So glad they have made it out alive

Everyone loves the fun everyone comes by
In the wind I crunch I want to die
They can give me pills
Or let me drink my fill
My heart wants to explode far away
Where nobody knows

Do you believe she said that
Do you believe she said that
I said I hate myself and I want to die

Half of it is innocent
The other half is wise
The whole damn thing makes no sense
I wish I could tell you a lie

Hey come here
Let me whisper in your ear
I hate myself and I want to die

Do you believe she said that
Can you believe she repeated that
I said I hate me myself and I
I said I hate myself and I want to die

. . . . .

PS: Because people tend to read things literally when not otherwise told not to do so: no, I don't really hate myself OR want to die. It's more complex than that, and I think the song itself is more complex than that. It's about that feeling of your head exploding and your heart crumbling, of wanting to disappear, of being so angry and sad that at least some temporary version of oblivion seems like a fine idea. It isn't literal, in other words. Just so nobody calls a suicide hotline or something for me...