And now, a brief interlude that isn't totally depressing (no, seriously!)

Yesterday, in between bouts of sobbing and melodramatic whatta wurld-ing, I took M to her six month check up at the dentist.

Some days you don't think your life could get any more awesome and then, SHAZAM!, it just does.

Anyway, while sitting in the dentist's office waiting room trying to studiously block out the agonized shrieking emanating from the exam rooms nearby, I noticed this sitting on a table:

That there's a magazine called Garden & Gun, people. Apparently it's some kind of Southern Living-type dealy-o, but the publication's title struck me as filled with all sorts of hilarious creative-tweaking possibilities. Garden & Gun: Because you like to nurture living things AND slaughter them (Which isn't even all that funny -- I'm having a hard time with the funny these days, my apologies -- but you get the idea.)

So simply for the sake of pure unadulterated levity, I ask you: what would be some other great tag-lines or issue subtitles for Garden & Gun? Or howsabout some article titles? What would be some content -- columns, features, how-tos, whatever -- you'd like to see in our imaginary version of Garden & Gun?

C'mon, play along! Humor me!

ETA: STOP THE PRESSES! There will be a PRIZE for funniest Garden & Gun submission! And it'll be something good! TBA, but GOOD! Also, I'm easily amused these days, so it doesn't take much to be considered "funniest" in my eyes, believe me. So it's worth a shot, right? DO IT DO IT DO IT!

ETA DEUX: Okay, I have now secured spectacularly massive giveawayage. Are you ready? Can you handle this? ARE YOU SURE?

Funniest Garden & Gun submission wins the following:

1 Nintendo DS Lite (now in fabulous metallic silver)
1 copy of Brain Age 2 for the DS
1 copy of My Weight Loss Coach for the DS
1 copy of Mystery Case Files: MillionHeir for the DS

PLUS! The nice folks at Dove are contributing a gift bag filled with Dove products and two tickets to the film The Women. Woohoo!

I'll keep comments open for one week -- until next Wednesday, October 1st -- and then post a winner.

BRING ON THE FUNNEH, PEOPLE!

**COMMENTS ARE NOW CLOSED. PLEASE SEE THIS POST TO HELP ME PICK A WINNER!**

Comments

[karma_musings]

Seriously, how can it get any better than "50 people places and things we love" - a Winchester? Remington? Smith & Wesson? They've GOTTA be on the "things" list, right??? :-)

[Cecily]

Pick It, Shoot It, Clean It, Arrange It: A Guide For Living.

Ok, that was weak. But I tried.

[your neighborhood librarian]

Bo Diddley saved my life... and then I SHOT HIM!

Actually, you could add "and then I shot him" to plenty of sentences and they would be funny (er).

[Katie Kat]

Garden & Gun: Fashion and Fauna with a KILLER Attitude!

[fridita]

Hmmmm....Slugs & Slugs?
"Ten Things We Love About Sarah Palin"

[cindi roo]

Ok I'll bite.......

First I have been reading for about a year, thanks for the chuckles!

Also this:

How to turn Troublesome Rabbits in your Garden into the Dinner from the Garden.

Bonus insert:a rabbit fur-lined Muff for the Holidays!

....plus lucky rabbit foot (feet?) craft project for your 5 year old!

[fridita]

"Easy Recipes For Your Next NRA Meeting"

[SM]

I presume that recipes for classic cocktails is a regular feature, as are the references to and articles about 1950s to 1970s era musical acts.

Once something like this actually exists, it's difficult to go further. But I'll attempt it.

"It's not a bait pile: Formal garden techniques to target wildlife."

"From hedgerow to table runner: Taxidermy centerpeices."

"Bring It On!: Taking Down Insects, Vermin and other Varmints in the White House Rose Garden."

[Kristen]

"Decorating with the Confederate Flag"
"Dinner Tonight: From trunk to table in 10 easy minutes"

This is so funny... I lived in Shreveport, LA for a year and I cannot believe I didn't see a copy.

[Jill (CDJ)]

Garden & Gun... For when those wascally wabbits won't stop eating your flowers.

[Carolyn]

Quilted Trigger Covers and You

Gunpowder Residue on Begonias: Nature's Most Lethal Pesticide

Assault Rifles And Accessorizing: How Many is Too Many?

Daisies and Deringers: Doe's and Don'ts

Shell Casings as Art

[Carolyn]

Nice typo there, me, that should be a Do's and Don'ts. Though does actually does work in this scenario. :)

[Me]

I love that picture of Truman below. Erm, not to stay on the doobie theme but...

Garden & Gun: Protecting Our Herbs Since 2007

[anna]

10 New Ways to Incorporate Blue, Orange, and Stars into Your Decor

[Me]

Herb not Herbs. Pfft.

[dcfullest]

Doilies and Road Kill, the keys to a classy dinner party

[Karen Sugarpants]

Garden & Gun: Don't Be Such a Pansy.

[baltimoregal]

I'm not entering, just asking- why is JIMMY BUFFETT writing for Garden & Gun? Does that seem wrong to anyone else?

Also, where on earth is this dentist? Doesn't sound like the city...

[Black Hockey Jesus]

Garden & Gun: Sex Is Just A Pussy Full Of Buckshot

[Black Hockey Jesus]

Garden & Gun: Where Nature & Technology Merge In Bad Sex Metaphors