In which I give F. Scott Fitzgerald the finger

Oh yes, it seems I have a blog! A blog which I am supposed to, eh, write my own thoughts and ideas and things on! Heh, silly me!

What, endless YouTube videos and streaming audio of choice musical-type tracks doesn't suffice? Ingrates.

Sooo yes, coming down from the holidays seems to have landed me smack in the middle of some sort of writer's block bog (and yes, it is a murky and damp and fetid place, and were you to decide to visit I'd suggest bringing a wrap or a light jacket of some sort). That old, crippling panic is back, coupled with a chilling certainty that not only do I not have anything interesting or of note to say now, but that I perhaps never will again. IT'S CURTAINS, I SAY! CURTAINS! (Or perhaps just, uhh, miniblinds and poofy valances?) Anyway, blergh. And yes, I'm very much aware that writing about not being able to write is about as interesting as watching a mound of dirt, so I'll keep the writerly melodrama here to a minimum. Promise.

However, none of that will stop me from ragging on The Great Gatsby. EVAR.

This morning I became aware of the list you see below -- composed by a distinguished board of authors, literary critics and historians, and other sundry publishing types. Anyway, they put together this "100 Best Novels" list (I've set in bold the books I've actually read, by the by), and it has me all in a tizzy. Why? Well, I'll tell you why:

1. Heart of Darkness isn't even in the top 50. I call total and complete bullshit on that, AND

2. The Great Gatsby -- while a passable piece of literature suitable for basic High School English classes and superficial explorations of the 1920s, matters of class and privilege, an elementary sense of what Modernism is, and one not particularly nuanced way of looking at "The American Dream," it's really nothing to write home about as far as I'm concerned, and hardly deserving of the #2 slot. And I say this having been forced to teach the stupid thing to college students for five gawdawfully loooong semesters. People romanticise that novel in ways they have no right or reason to -- perhaps they took a fancy to the story after seeing Robert Redford's brooding, chiseled cinematic interpretation? I wouldn't be surprised. Because really, the actual writing is fairly meh, and the narrative arc and themes addressed therein kind of, well, border on simplistic/shallow/zzzzzzz. Had I my druthers I would, in fact, switch numerical list slots between Heart of Darkness and The Great Gatsby here and be done with it. And I do believe in a cage match, salty ol' Joe Conrad would beat the living daylights out of pasty drunkard F. Scott any old day. And I don't think I'm wrong on that point. Yes indeedy.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

So what about you, hmm? Looking at this list, what if anything would you change? Anything about this make you feel similarly disagreeable and cranky? Do tell, I'm all ears! Crankiness loves company, after all.

1. (1922) Ulysses James Joyce
2. (1925) The Great Gatsby F. Scott Fitzgerald
3. (1916) A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man James Joyce
4. (1955) Lolita Vladimir Nabokov
5. (1932) Brave New World Aldous Huxley
6. (1929) The Sound and the Fury William Faulkner
7. (1961) Catch-22 Joseph Heller
8. (1940) Darkness at Noon Arthur Koestler
9. (1913) Sons and Lovers D. H. Lawrence
10. (1939) The Grapes of Wrath John Steinbeck
11. (1947) Under the Volcano Malcolm Lowry
12. (1903) The Way of All Flesh Samuel Butler
13. (1949) Nineteen Eighty-Four George Orwell
14. (1934) I, Claudius Robert Graves
15. (1927) To the Lighthouse Virginia Woolf
16. (1925) An American Tragedy Theodore Dreiser
17. (1940) The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter Carson McCullers
18. (1969) Slaughterhouse-Five Kurt Vonnegut
19. (1952) Invisible Man Ralph Ellison
20. (1940) Native Son Richard Wright
21. (1959) Henderson the Rain King Saul Bellow
22. (1934) Appointment in Samarra John O'Hara
23. (1938) U.S.A. (trilogy) John Dos Passos
24. (1919) Winesburg, Ohio Sherwood Anderson
25. (1924) A Passage to India E. M. Forster
26. (1902) The Wings of the Dove Henry James
27. (1903) The Ambassadors Henry James
28. (1934) Tender Is the Night F. Scott Fitzgerald
29. (1935) Studs Lonigan (trilogy) James T. Farrell
30. (1915) The Good Soldier Ford Madox Ford
31. (1945) Animal Farm George Orwell
32. (1904) The Golden Bowl Henry James
33. (1900) Sister Carrie Theodore Dreiser
34. (1934) A Handful of Dust Evelyn Waugh
35. (1930) As I Lay Dying William Faulkner
36. (1946) All the King's Men Robert Penn Warren
37. (1927) The Bridge of San Luis Rey Thornton Wilder
38. (1910) Howards End E. M. Forster
39. (1953) Go Tell It on the Mountain James Baldwin
40. (1948) The Heart of the Matter Graham Greene
41. (1954) Lord of the Flies William Golding
42. (1970) Deliverance James Dickey
43. (1951-1975) A Dance to the Music of Time (series) Anthony Powell
44. (1928) Point Counter Point Aldous Huxley
45. (1926) The Sun Also Rises Ernest Hemingway
46. (1907) The Secret Agent Joseph Conrad
47. (1904) Nostromo Joseph Conrad
48. (1915) The Rainbow D. H. Lawrence
49. (1920) Women in Love D. H. Lawrence
50. (1934) Tropic of Cancer Henry Miller
51. (1948) The Naked and the Dead Norman Mailer
52. (1969) Portnoy's Complaint Philip Roth
53. (1962) Pale Fire Vladimir Nabokov
54. (1932) Light in August William Faulkner
55. (1957) On the Road Jack Kerouac
56. (1930) The Maltese Falcon Dashiell Hammett
57. (1924-1928) Parade's End Ford Madox Ford
58. (1920) The Age of Innocence Edith Wharton
59. (1911) Zuleika Dobson Max Beerbohm
60. (1961) The Moviegoer Walker Percy
61. (1927) Death Comes for the Archbishop Willa Cather
62. (1951) From Here to Eternity James Jones
63. (1957) The Wapshot Chronicle John Cheever
64. (1951) The Catcher in the Rye J. D. Salinger
65. (1962) A Clockwork Orange Anthony Burgess
66. (1915) Of Human Bondage W. Somerset Maugham
67. (1902) Heart of Darkness Joseph Conrad
68. (1920) Main Street Sinclair Lewis
69. (1905) The House of Mirth Edith Wharton
70. (1957-1960) The Alexandria Quartet Lawrence Durrell
71. (1929) A High Wind in Jamaica Richard Hughes
72. (1961) A House for Mr Biswas V. S. Naipaul
73. (1939) The Day of the Locust Nathanael West
74. (1929) A Farewell to Arms Ernest Hemingway
75. (1938) Scoop Evelyn Waugh
76. (1962) The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie Muriel Spark
77. (1939) Finnegans Wake James Joyce
78. (1901) Kim Rudyard Kipling
79. (1908) A Room with a View E. M. Forster
80. (1945) Brideshead Revisited Evelyn Waugh
81. (1953) The Adventures of Augie March Saul Bellow
82. (1971) Angle of Repose Wallace Stegner
83. (1979) A Bend in the River V. S. Naipaul
84. (1938) The Death of the Heart Elizabeth Bowen
85. (1900) Lord Jim Joseph Conrad
86. (1975) Ragtime E. L. Doctorow
87. (1908) The Old Wives' Tale Arnold Bennett
88. (1903) The Call of the Wild Jack London
89. (1945) Loving Henry Green
90. (1980) Midnight's Children Salman Rushdie
91. (1932) Tobacco Road Erskine Caldwell
92. (1983) Ironweed William Kennedy
93. (1965) The Magus John Fowles
94. (1966) Wide Sargasso Sea Jean Rhys
95. (1954) Under the Net Iris Murdoch
96. (1979) Sophie's Choice William Styron
97. (1949) The Sheltering Sky Paul Bowles
98. (1934) The Postman Always Rings Twice James M. Cain
99. (1955) The Ginger Man J. P. Donleavy
100. (1918) The Magnificent Ambersons Booth Tarkington