Wish you were here

She left Saturday for an overnight in NYC with Jamie, staying with him at a long time family friend's place.

Then, yesterday, Jamie dropped her off at my Aunt Elaine's place in New Jersey.

From there, she's going to spend a week's vacation at the Jersey shore with my Aunt, my brother, and his daughter, M's cousin Dora [insert obligatory theme song here, and VAMONOS!]. This was a trip my Aunt had been planning and looking forward to for almost a year, and I know M will have a terrific time.

She'll be gone until next Sunday. For seven full days. An entire week. It's the longest I'll have been away from her, ever.

No, no, I'm fine! Really!

sniff.

When I was at BlogHer a couple of weeks back, I was gone for a grand total of four days. Nevertheless, as I stood in line at the airport waiting to get the boarding pass for my trip home on that final day, I called Jamie and -- though I was at the time surrounded by legions of complete and total strangers on all sides -- collapsed into shameless public Ugly Crying upon hearing that he was taking M to a barbecue down in DC that day, meaning she wouldn't even be in the same state as me until much later that evening, long after I'd be home. HOURS AFTER, IN FACT.

Standing there wiping great dollops of tears away as they splatted on each cheek, I feared that I'd become a terrible cliche -- the overemotional mother, the doting but sentimental mom who is perhaps a little too attached, a bit too reluctant to let go, even when she should let go.

Then I heard my own trembling voice softly pleading, I miss my baby... and no longer feared -- but instead knew with absolute, total certainty -- that I'd become that cliche.

In all honesty, I've been looking forward to this time off from parenting. Looking forward to it more than a little, in fact. And it's certainly true that I have plenty of things to do, people to see, places to go, and projects to tackle this coming week. My to-do list runneth over. My dance card is full.

But I miss her already.

. . . . .

ETA: Remember Koryn, the woman who made this ring for me? Well she's in the running to win a $6K (YOW!) website over here, and apparently the entry with the most comments wins. As a favor to me, would you take just a moment and leave a comment there for her? She deserves it, and because I'm so grateful for what she did for me, it would be wonderful to help make something good happen for her... For her kindness to be repaid like that, as it well should (internet karma... I'd like to believe that's real). Anyway, I'd appreciate it much. Go here to leave a comment. And thanks.

Comments

[BabyBloomr]

Getting ready to leave both of mine (17 and 13) for a week, AND will be missing their first week of school AND both of them are starting new schools. Mom-guilt, much?

But *she says through clenched teeth* it IS good for all of us to experience some independence and stretch our collective wings, just to prove that we can.

P.S. I totally plan on a public and/or private Ugly Cry interspersed with Embarrassing Long Hugs and Sloppy Ewwww Kisses when I get home. Bet on it.

[LisaS]

i hear ya. my pair piled into the in-laws' Grand Caravan this morning to go to Arkansas for a week. we've done it before, but never both of them at once for so long. i started missing them as soon as the Girl pushed the button to slide the door closed.

[TwoBusy]

It's like Stockholm Syndrome -- after so much time locked in close proximity with little monsters who hijack your life and re-educate you on what is and isn't important, when you finally (years later) get free... you've forgotten how to live without them.

It's quite diabolical, really.

[Sweetney]

I know. And it's weird being alone in this house.

Quiet. Too quiet.

Who knew I was so completely brainwashed?

[Whit]

I'm about 30 minutes in to 15 days without my kids. This a few weeks after a 10 day period. Prior to that 1 day was the record. I'm sitting here not knowing what to do and missing them terribly. It's all so bittersweet.

It's like we're two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl...

[ozma]

It is horrible to even admit but I have spent a long time away from my daughter because of work. If you totaled it all up...I'd hate to even think how many days it would be. I have spent a week apart from her several times.

I've spent MANY weekends apart from her.

SNIFF IS EFFIN RIGHT.

I noticed I become slightly psycho when I am apart from her. It doesn't matter that we've done it before...and frequently. It's AWFUL. It's so hard. It's not something one can get used to, really. There are these weird moments where you almost forget you are a mom and revert back to the pre-mom era and then there are these moments where it is like 'the light is GONE. I am in the dark.' There is nothing seductive in the least about the pre-mom thing. I think it is the brain's coping skill.

Anyway, I hope you don't go psycho like I do.

[JenB]

Awww, this makes me cry from here for the reasons you say. I understand and would be the same way or worse, who knows? Having company and friends around is awesome, but missing your baby is literally a little chunk of you somewhere else. You aren't a cliche, you are a parent.

[Haley-O]

Aww, hope you're doing okay. It's easier for US to leave THEM to go on trips, than vice versa (I imagine -- mine are still young). She's ADORABLE, Tracey!

[flutter]

who couldn't miss that face?

[Lauren]

I miss Peanut when DH and I have date night. Part of me wants her to tag along (she's only 4 months old) but I know the quality alone time is important. Still, there are days when I prefer her company over anyone else's.

[Sam]

I love her little movie. She's so sweet and reminds me of my own daughter, esp. the hair and glasses and cute little singing voice. It would tear my heart out to be away from her for that long. She'll do great and be fine. ((hug))

[Chicky Chicky Baby]

Saturday afternoon of BlogHer I sat in my hotel room and threw a private hissy fit because the damn network wouldn't let me connect so I could see my babies via Skype. I just wanted to SEE my BABIES.

Your misery? Meet my company.

[Rita Arens]

I think all the time I'd just like a few hours alone, but this post makes me realize I'll be sobbing like you when I'm separated from my daughter that long. Distraction is key. I hear the Gosselins are interesting.

Thinking of you.

[mommymae]

don't forget that this is all brand new to you. everything is going to have a first. you're far from a cliche, dear.

[mommymae]

and that movie of hers is exactly what my 7 year olds do.

[Sweetney]

"I hear the Gosselins are interesting."

I love you, Rita Arens.

[Sweetney]

She made like 15 of those little movies during a recent long-ish car ride with her dad. I'm watching them all the time right now. Like an addict. (sob)

[norm]

Gawds, you said it. So true. It is wonderful to see them grow up and become strong independent people. I mean, it's completely fucking awful. I mean wonderful. Same thing.

[Lisa (the girls' moma)]

This is me, this is my heartache. My girls (4 and 6) just spent 23 days away from me -- the longest, ever, ever, ever in their lives -- with their father. And like you, I watched their cute little Flip videos (from the back seat of the car -- woot!) over and over again, too.

So how does it get better? Well, not EVER letting him take them for that long in a row ever, ever again might be a good place to start...