Sweetney™

Puking: A Primer

So, as is the case with most vacations, at least one member of the vacation party must at some point tangle with the fury of Le Vomitmonster. Its, like, a going-on-vacation rule or something, right? Anyway, as my luck would have it, last night it turned out that *I* was that unfortunate, pathetic sap. And it occurred to me, during my dance of near-death with every porcelainized receptacle in our beach house household, that in my own meager experience there are at least three very distinct and wholly separable types of puking: 1. The Illness Puke: You have the flu...

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I'll be right here

In 1982 I was twelve years old. And I was completely obsessed with the movie E.T. Obsessed, as in see it eleven times in the theater and collect mountains of useless trading cards based on the film. I vaguely recall fretting over weekly box office returns as well, not because the movie wasn't making ludicrous bank, but rather because in my mind it was absolutely vital that E.T. make more money than any movie ever made in the history of all moviedom, thereby securing its rightful place in the filmic pantheon as The Officially Confirmed Best Movie EVAR. It's funny,...

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The 'Oh My God I'm In So Much Pain I Could Die' Post

I'm being punished. I don't know by whom, or why, but that I'm being punished is clearly the case. Wednesday started off at a crippled, limping pace. I'd just spent three days nursing my child back to pre-Pink Eye levels of health, and felt completely washed-out, burnt-out, and out-of-sorts. As I sat at my desk in front of the computer, letting the warm flow of information from the interwebs wash over me, I shifted my jaw slightly and felt this weird, well, crunch. Funny, there was something in my mouth. And I hadn't been eating. WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS...

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What's in yer wallet, beeeyotch?

I had a rather interesting consumer experience the other day that I feel the need to share with you here, as I think y'all might find it informative and instructive (or, umm, something). And what am I here for, if not for the betterment and uplift of all humankind? snort. Anyway, yesterday I went to get the mail as I do everyday, and found lying in wait the typical junk n' magazines fare, along with what appeared to be YET ANOTHER questionable offer from our current credit card company -- something, I imagined, along the lines of “Unspecified Valued Customer!...

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You are what you read

Oh hai, welcome to my Best Of Sweetney BS! See, there's a little thing called BlogHer going on this week, and honestly, my brainspace is so crammed with thoughts about OMG WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO WEAR? and HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO PACK THE METRIC TON OF CRAP I NEED JUST TO SURVIVE? that I can barely form a coherent sentence at this point. So yeah, I'm totally pussing out. BUT! BUT! Here's the good news: you get to read some really good posts you might have missed! These are a few of my favorites...

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